? Monday, September 15, 2008
*from multiply*
In this entry, I am letting it all out in the open.
And by "it" I mean my resignation.
I took the job for 2 reasons, and two reasons alone- one, because I need money for my baby, and two- because I had to. If you think about it, it can be considered as one and the same. But in my sense it's not. Anyway, I have been struggling with a lot of things in my life and I realized that adding another load wouldn't help. In order for me to be a better person, mom and wife, I must first serve my time in my cell so I can finally figure out what I really want to be and where I want to go.
I've always wanted the free-spirit-tag, I mean if there's any label you'd give me it might as well be "free-spirit". Being a slave in the corporate world isn't really for me. I understand rules, policies and regulations and abide and comply my ass to them. Plus I've always envied acquaintances / friends who swims in the creative ocean. It's always been my idea of a "comfort zone". Though I also want stability not just for me but also for my baby, I can't really afford to go experimental on money-making- not now, not ever. But it's a risk I have to take. I need to get a taste of it since I've been craving it for quite some time now. I wish I can find a job that will serve me just that. I don't feel all confident right now since I know I'm not fully equipped with the tools of the trade, but I can learn and it's never too late.
Alam kong pag nalaman to ng nanay ko (hindi to paranoia or walang-basehang agam-agam) iisipin na naman na di ako tumagal, wala akong tiyaga, o batugan akong tunay. Ngunit aking sinasaisip ang posibilidad na hindi lamang niya ito lubusang naiintindihan dahil hindi niya ito naranasan {pasintabi nalang, hindi ko sya kinukutya}. Ang sakin lang, alam ko na ang trabaho ay hindi isang larong-bata na pag sapit ng kulimlim at mistulan nang trapo ang mga kamiseta ng mga kalaro ay uuwi na ako at magpapahinga sa buong araw na paglalaro. Lalu pa't ngayon na meron na kong anak {dependent ika nga sa TAX hehe} alam kong wala akong karapatang magpahinga o magsawa. At hindi, hindi sawa ang salarin. Isang simpleng realisasyon ang tanging nag-udyok sa aking desisyon. Wala akong pinagsisisihan, "it felt right" kumbaga.
Kung meron man akong pag-aalangan ngayon ito ay ang kakulangan saking kaalaman, na kaya (at kung hindi man), kakayanin kong alamin. Kailangan kong maging ganap na ambisyosa. hehe So ano ba talaga ang gusto ko? Sikretong malupit. bwahaha kung nagbabasa kang talaga andaming clues. Umupo ka muna sa iyong thinking chair kung di mo nagets at isulat sa iyong handy-dandy notebook ang mga clues. hehehe
note to self:
"Tama na ang pakikinig sa iba, mas sasaya ka kung makikinig ka sa sarili mo. Dahil ikaw lang ang nakakaalam kung ano ang gusto mo sa buhay."
