come on..i know, i know. i should've gone to church.i have no problems with my born religion, it's only coz boredom got the best of me.

yesterday (sunday), i went to the mall again and this time i swore to watch a movie and go straight home, but the crowd took its toll on me and suddenly my hype for a movie died down. it's not bcoz i was all by myself, i'm used to going out alone whenever i'm bored or just want to bond with myself. Even way before i met my boyfriend, i've been roaming around the metro on my own like a nasty rat looking for scraps. hmmm actually it's more of a date with my feet. i knew my feet are gonna take me somewhere my brainwaves will go stat. so i found myself crashing on powerbooks reading while i stand. i thought i'd better finish reading katrina tuvera's "testaments".. so i went on while glancing every now and then if some person got tired of reading and went away to leave me a space on the sofa to squeeze my butt in. but i guess they too are taking advantage of the privilege of free reading. i always reside in the philippine literature section, i knew somehow chances and opportunity for filipino writers are almost inexistent. it's actually deprivation for artists from publishing their work. besides, pinoy writers/authors are awesome and are indeed, beyond compliments, talented..
i wonder if Bob Ong have released his fifth book..? and as i looked up, let my eyes rummage through the shelf, there it was, (complete with hallelluia chorus in the background), his latest obra maestra. for a moment i thought i was seeing the sky grace its light on the row of BO's books but i squinted and blinked twice only to realize my eyes were already hurting and remembered i had to set an appointment with my eye doctor..i reached for the book "stainless longganisa" and was just so thrilled as when i was a child on Santa's lap. the only difference is that i didn't have to wish coz i already have it in my grasp. totoo, i'm not just a fan..basta. good thing i brought extra money with me kundi namilipit na ko sa panghihinayang kung dko mabili 'yun! so i put down the book i was trying to finish and rushed to the counter. Bob Ong, a part of you is mine!hehe kidding.

i decided to check out tower records, and see if there's anything i'd fancy to add to my collection. Limas na ang allowance ko. i bought paramita's cd and went home telling myself i'll get by with what was left of my money.hehe i can't really consider it as impulse buying, even my boyfriend didn't scold me for having splurged my allowance on stuff. Stuff i need, that is. i forgot to go to church. Which was a total bust for my schedule that day. i'm not disregarding my religion. i just got caught up with my newfound interests.And i'm falling deeper for books either. I know my money didn't go down the drain.

a radical sabbatical, that was for me..

tama c grasya, salamat nga k manny. Sa araw na iyon, siya lang ang umuupak at sa kariño pa ng dayuhan.At mababa ang crime rate dahil lhat ay abala sa bawat sapak niya k morales.

kahit saan ka magpunta, patok ang suntok ni pacquiao. Kahit sa classroom, siya ang usap-usapan at sa kanya rin nakataya ang isangdaang piso at mahigit ng aking mga kaklase. Ewan ko nga ba kung bakit may pumusta k morales. Siguro ay dahil may doubt sila k manny, sa kababayan nila at kapwa pinoy, o pwede rin namang dahil sa kagustuhang maiba lang. Ang iba naman ay pumusta sa dalawa. Marahil ay naninigurado. Pero may pagdadalawang isip parin tlg k manny. Hirit ng iba, kapag nalaos na si pacquiao (na medyo malayong mangyari dahil tatak na sya ng bansa at kahelera na ng mga bayani) ay may fallback siya, ang kanyang album! Napailing tlga ko. Witty ang mga hirit ng mga 'to.

marami sa mga professors sa aming faculty ng aming college ay least favorite ang klase namin. Pero ako, napamahal na sila sakin. Di lang nila alam. Dahil sa mga hirit na nababalot ng kababawan, ilang daan at ilang libong talino ang kalakip ng katatawanang kung hindi mo maintindihan ay iisipin mong wlang katuturan.

Blogged @ 1/27/2006

oo andito na nman ako sa bahay ng magaling kong howe.at umuulan na nman ng mga halik.wehehehe

im planning to join the "last man standing" competition by animax at Glorietta. It's supposed to be a marathon. All i have to do is watch animax and stay awake for 24 hours. That's right! 24 hours of non-stop anime. I'm thinking i can do it. i've been missing the tv since it got busted. So i only get to abuse my eyes during the weekends. I've been thinking i should practice.. you know, so i can stay up as long as i want to. And win the competiton! A whopping 500 dollars is at stake! so why not? I've always been free of bedtime drags. I've been abusing no-sleep privileges since i was in highschool, only it got the best of me so i ended up developing a certain time of sleep. I didn't impose it on myself though, it just..happened, on its own! Darn..So there, i tire unplanned. I'm not a very disciplined person, so i try to defy the omen of yawning with caffeine. But coffee doesn't work like that on me, instead it relaxes me and helps me doze off! sleep takes its revenge on me in my dreams. I guess even if i die, i'd still be dreaming. haha

postmortem bardo. I read it in the biggest book i've ever seen in powerbooks so far. i always go to powerbooks whenever i have time to kill. well, i don't go there "to kill".stupid. anyway, postmortem bardo is, as the term implies, after death dreaming. it's indian. a book by rolio shrestha or something..(oops, apologies for the incapacity to recall). Great illustrations this book has. I've always been fond of indie art.. (i wonder if it had anything to do with me being shakti?? hehe i got it from india tlga, so no wonder.)

segue--- I was in megamall last tuesday looking for a bank so i can encode a new pin number, when out of nowhere this guy in black, seemed to be following me. At first, i told myself "oh, wag kang assuming..." pero when he followed me up to the 5th floor i knew there was something more than my 'pagfi-feeling'. So i went down to the ground floor where i found a bank, presented my id's and encoded a new pin. i went back up to powerbooks and checked out my newfound music at tower records. It's cool, really. Coz you don't have to buy the cd's just to check 'em out. So here i go again with abusing freebies..hehe im just being a customer. In the middle of soundtripping and with matching papikit-pikit while feeling the music and the poetry, out of nowhere na naman tong black-shirt, pa-astig-tunnel guy who seemed cuter now that he's just behind me. He picked the Korn cd out of the shelf and looked at me hair all messed up coz of the old headphone i was wearing. I think he's making me sniff him. He smelled nice but i didn't follow his scent! Sorry, im only turned on with my boyfriend's perry ellis! wahaha I stared at the guy and he just stared back, and being the least proper girl that i am i acted a loner bitch and rolled my eyes at him. And never saw him again..

I was relieved actually. i know i'm not dainty-pretty but i know when i look good or when i can be mistaken for a piece of s***. i'm just not the kind of person who'd be all smiles and hanefs-kilig when moments like that look me straight in the eye. hmmm Maybe a new era of my conservativo self has begun. Oh well, i hav my howe to thank for that. You see, we're not exactly brought up the same way. But i've always had this apt for being a bit proper when i'm with his family. Iv'e always considered myself as someone who's grown into her own found wisdom. I've always told myself i raised myself when it comes to living my life. Coz i'm the only one who ever knows 'me'. This doesn't mean i don't listen to my parents, im glad they exist when i need them to. i love 'em of course. They're the reason i'm alive and learning. i would've found other ways but my existence as a human being has had me waving my hands to the air and singing to myself while the wind plays its sweet melody for entities like me. And when i feel im alone, really alone. I sing and offer my tunes to the earth, then id be sure that nobody's watching. Even if im riding a jeep stuck in traffic..

"the only problem with revenge is that no good can come from it.."

*paskuhan (05) *paskuhan parin *roxas (amt walk)

"you tamed me and i love you..not because you return the favor but bcoz you are what you are and what you are is invisible to those who are blind.. to me you are what is essential.."

*we're so getting there!

I started my day with scarlet tears. I watered my cactus and fed my fish..

I noticed that my swahili alphabet book was sitting open and the last page was quite calling to me..The header goes; "A note about the art", i picked it up and began to read. I've been wondering how the artist gave life to the illustrations of the book. I thought. So that's how!
I knew it wasn't done with only a wave of charcoal.

+FYI+
The swahili alphabet book entitled "jhambo means hello" introduces swahili words to the readers. It's a kid's book actually, but i figured i don't have to be a kid t own it. Besides, learning a new language (or its basics) is fun and it was on sale for 5 bucks (as in limampiso!).

And so the techniques used by the artist laid before me, when i noticed a flatten mosquito on the side of the book. What the hell could it be doing flickering through the book? Maybe it, too was in awe of the artist's work or "it" wanted to learn about swahili. Anyway, let's call the mosquito "oscar". No reason, it's the first name that popped in my head. Maybe Oscar here got tired of being nothing but a measley pest & decided that he is different & realized he too is deviant.

Maybe he felt it's not his fault he exists as a disease-carrying insect, and realizes he has options. why not? Or maybe after what he thought he wanted to give up, because he figures he doesn't have the reasoning skill a human being acquires. So he went to rest his filthy wings & ponder more, when suddenly, the wind came to visit (and the wind we shall call Flowe), and wanted to help. But Flowe being the wind and all unintendedly blew the book close, leaving Oscar trapped between the leaves..

I know Flowe didn't mean it. He was just being himself. So i guess Flowe felt sad and sorry for Oscar and for the fact that he never chose to be the wind and shoo everything in his path. So when Flowe felt me getting up this morning, he passed by my book and fliiped it open, to let me know about a friend's end.

There are no goodbyes, only see you later's, Oscar will come back. Maybe this time as a human being..

I feel you Flowe, and to Oscar, "jhambo means hello..."

at last, i finally got a hold of my blog!! yosh! im so happy! il add on stuff some other day though..katamaran na naman..and mainly because my eyes hurt already.

anyway, i really need to get a job.im itching to earn extra greens..uh wala nga pla green money d2.old limampiso pla un!waha! ok rephrase naten..im itching to earn nalang..hehe mga kachuvahan kc eh..

after a few years i still feel distant from my own blog.it's like a small-talk friend to me.pero lately i've been writing again.and trying to paint! notice the emphasist on "trying".. so far i think i'm getting there.nyah! well, ok, not really, let's just say magaling ako magpractice!wahaha

last night (yak! parang diary.lol), nag-away na naman kme.Well, di nman tlg away pero ano pa bang ibang term dun...let's use argue nalng. aun nag-argue kme ni ebet, he told me kc na i should bring something daw for his parents to like me. i shared my opinion about that. i know what he means, but i stand as i am. i told him i don't buy votes and that my weapon for being liked is good conversation and good sense of, well, self. i'm not saying na wala ako pake or wala ako effort or balak na magustuhan nila.I'm just stressing na i'm being myself and that's all there is to it. If i feel like giving i won't think twice. .

this is manong kuhol..

i see him outside the computer shop every night beside 7-11..
i still don't know his real name so i use a code name instead.
he sells kuhol, hence the name.
i handed him a large piece of buko pie a while ago..i hope he likes it.

yes it's true..we are the microscopic insects in a rabbit's fur.. According to a book im "re-reading", the world is like a white rabbit pulled out from a magic hat. And we are like the insects holding on to its fur. And good philosophers are the ones climbing up the fine hairs to look the magician straight in the eye.I agree. It's true that some are contented with what they know and what they think they know. Some call it ignorance and some, contentment. We were born on the tip of the fine hairs of the rabbit, we had the astonishment of seeing the world for the first time. We pick up things we don't know and put them in our mouths out of curiosity. And we weren't scared if it will cause us severe tummy-aches coz we were just plain curious. But as we grow older the world becomes a habit, which makes us people trivial. Dogs and cats, and flowers and trees don't excite us anymore. And so is the essence of living.. Surely, the superior magician is out there. People call him names acquied from their religion or notions. But generally he is a 'God'.. What about other tricks up his sleeves? We have no idea about that. Nobody does. Hold tight and wake up tomorrow to find out. I don't suggest that we go back to milk bottles and semi-solid foods and ride in strollers and pretend we haven't seen an airplane up the sky before.. I'm just saying you consider. There are lots of things we still haven't seen or felt or heard, or come across with using our senses. Don't bury yourself down that rabbit's fur any further..Climb up and see what there is to be seen. Discover and experiment.Let yourself free.(sounds like cliches but this is the real deal) After all, "wisest is he who knows he does not know.."

i used to think that when it comes to friends, i should listen. Even to their unnecessary comments & unfriendly remarks.

When strangers react & say whatever thay feel like saying ( no matter how clueless they really are), automatically i wont have the slightest care.sheer common sense.They don't know me.

Somehow i feel tortured. The crowd im with right now seem to have issues they never deal with. Coz they're afraid. Tendency is-- they turn to me. Now i know i can help and all, but when they foist their issues on me that's not cool anymore. So i ignore it. Every nanosecond of all their crap.i love them, dont get me wrong. But somehow the finger-pointing is bothering me.enough is enough.

I love many things.i love doing things, thinking of things and talking about things. But i dont have the chance to talk about sense with these people.All they seem to be about in school are mean, bored fucks.i can't blame them though.it just sucks when im being a certain self that i am and the queenbee (not really a girl) claims that im trying to be something im not.totally unforgiveable!

For one thing he doesn't know me.And that one thing says it all!

yes, i know i shouldn't be griping right now.
i just dont see the point of his trashing hobby.
and to think i call him my friend.i dont get him and he doesnt get me.

it's no big when he asks help regarding our school work.im his friend, still.
but he implies that im a know-it-all (w/c im totally not!) and i forget how we became friends.which he does oh so very well! so he lacks respect but he commands for it.so i just don't say the first "hi" anymore.