usually i get all spooked up with the occasion, but this time i just miss my dad..

i'm not in my finest moods lately. i guess i'm growing tired of the set up. no, not the set up itself, maybe just with penguin.. he never failed to point out to my face the things i need to change about myself but whether he admits it or not he too needs to change a big part of himself. it's been unfair but i've learned to accept some things no matter how unorthodox they may be. i just wish [with all that's left of myself & my being] that he can finally stand committed to his words. back in college, i used to just go with the flow even if it's necessary that i demand something from him. things happened and some of it did us no good. it could've done us some 101's but i noticed he wasn't the type to acquire something good from something negative. i knew then i had to teach him how to extract the good juice from the bad fruit {i.e learn from the experience}. nobody's perfect so i was patient with him. but now over 2 years had passed us but sometimes i still have to convince myself that it'll soon be better. it's not a "gf-trying-to-change-the-bf" thing. i just saw the his need to grow more, and with our current situation, grow soon whether he likes it or not. tama talaga mga naririnig ko matagal na, babae ang nagdadala ng relasyon. sometimes he can't seem to get that. it's a fact. i didn't make it up just so i can be the dominant one. being right doesn't really matter to me. getting along does. i don't want to come to a point where we only try to jibe just for the sake of our daughter. i want US to work, ika nga.. yun tipong we'll get married someday because we want to not just so we can live together legit. i hope he opens up to me more. i need something to work on. you can't make something last out of thin air, you can't draw something w/o a concept, basta, so the song goes nga dba...

But I dont know how to leave you,
And Ill never let you fall;
And I dont know how you do it,
Making love out of nothing at all
(making love)
Out of nothing at all,
(making love)

haha d nman exactly ganyan hehe [pinatawa ako ng air supply]. yung logic lang.

hmmm nalulungkot lang talaga ko. i used be full of spirit ngayon kahit espiritu ng softdrinks wala.. sawa narin ako sa mga i used to's na yan... i need to live. it feels like being held captive of a buccaneer pirate. argh!