Zirquera's quest

UpLates

2010-03-02T16:38:00.002+08:00

Been doing a bit well. Moved in to our new place last November. Kahit maliit lang yung bahay I love it because I'm finally with my own family. Gilly and I went through a charade but I'm glad he's grown out of it. I'm glad he doesn't snap on me on things he doesn't understand. Although we're east and west, we manage to meet at some point.

With work.. ugh!! I think it's the right move to MOVE ON. I fell in love with the company and the business itself, but I still get the sense of being enslaved.. I don't want to elaborate anymore. I know how I should be treated as an employee. And I know I should abandon the ship before I sink with it! It's bad enough that most of the people there (majority of the 2o-something) are the most negative and naive creatures I've ever met.. i know how this sounds, but I just can't take it anymore..

Is what it is.. ;)

2009-09-13T01:49:00.004+08:00

*Facebook (Surprise.surprise!haha)

*New Book (The Time Traveler's Wife)

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Been reading the novel of Audrey Niffenegger lately. Not because the motion picture is out but because I had the money at the moment. Good thing I was able to cancel my very first order at Tradeport.ph. With the shipping fee it would have cost me Php 539. Thanks to my luvey Powerbooks {who texted me once stocks of THE book arrived} I got The Time Traveler's Wife for Php 334 since they were on sale! Talk about a god buy! :)

The novel was written in the shadows of Audrey Niffenegger's past lovers. A direct metaphor for the ups and downs of love, time, relationhips and inevitable act of fate.

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Okay tama na yan. A lot have happened- sa office, sa bahay, sakin, samin.. But as always, I am grateful for the life experience God has been bestowing on me. Life experiences are blessings

and opporunities to be a better person. =)

I got a dorm/ apartment around Pasig. Very accessible to work. I still feel lonely sometimes. I guess I know I shouldn't be living this life anymore. It's a good life, but I'm not a single independent woman anymore. See I'm already a mom, and have been deprived of so many things. I am a wife but not in paper. I can wait for that. What I need right now is home with my own family. I am still independent of course, pero syempre alam ko kasi na hindi na dapat ito ng buhay na tinatahak ko kaya ramdam ko yung kulang.

May mga taong bwisit paring hindi tumitigil at mukang di na talaga ako tatantanan. Mga taong witches sa buhay ko. Pero ang inaganda ng existence nila ay naiukumpara ko ang mga traits na gusto ko at mga traits na dapat itapon. Hindi ko masisisi ang mga taong yun. Tulad nalang ng feeling mature na neneng na pilit jina-justify ang mali nyang hindi nya matanggap. At buong pagkataong pinagmamalaki na mature na sha. Natatawa nalang ako. I'm not saying na I'm the most mature person in the world or that I'm better than anyone else. Pero sana don't stick your nose whre it doesn't belong. Kasi mapapahiya ka lang in the end. Wag ka na makisawsaw sa mga bagay na hindi ka namn involved. Kahit na ba involved ang mga taong mahal mo, eh kung ikaw mismo epal lang I suggest you stay out of the way. You're not doing anyone or anything any good. hehe Puro any.

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My lola had a stroke due to high blood pressure. Atleast hindi dahil sa heart attack. Nailipat na sya sa St. Luke's and according to my mom, she's getting better. May reunion pa naman this september and another one on october.

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I fell in love with this disney movie. I am a disney kid talaga. I remember my cousins and I used to watch a lot of disney flicks during reunions! hehe I miss being a kid. Good thing marami paring magagandang disney movies and shows today.

I watched UP with Gilly (as usual), and sure enough it made me cry. haha I'm such a sucker for drama! haha The movie's about adventure in life and love and being satisfied with what you have. I know how it sounds. But it reflects the trth in the hardships of life, postponed dreams and life on hold. I love the part where there were no dialogues at all. Until the movie skipped to their senior life. I also loved the part where Carl (the old man of a few words), opened Elli's old scrapbook and found out that she lived the adventure she needed and that the simplicity of the life they lived is happiness enough.

Watch it! =)

Illuminati

2009-06-23T23:18:00.006+08:00

Enlighten me.

I don't understand why people comment on my weight when they see me. I'm not the heaviest. Im not the scrawniest (and I mean cmpared to the group!) but people always had to say : "pumayat ka" or "sumesexy ka na!", as if my world revolves around my weight or as if all I care about is my looks. Kasi kung ganun lang rin ako kababaw or ka-shallow eh di sana parati akong well-groomed or sana anorexic nako (meaning naka-develop na ko ng mental illness gawa ng obsession sa weight). Kaso hindi.. I don't assign people to monitor my weight or appearance everytime they bump into me. Buti sana kung normal thing nalang yun or tradition yun (which is stupid by the way), or kung ginagawa rin yun sa ibang tao sa paligid ko. Kaso hindi.

Sa ilang taon kong pag-o-obserba, ako lang ang ginaganun. Di naman ako manhid para ma-deadma yun ng ganun nalang. Napaka-obvious para sabihing "wala lang yun, nagkataon lang". Nagkataon?! haha Grabeng odds namankung nagkakataon lang.

Enlighten me.

Kapag kapatid mo, ok lang na utusan mo or hingan mo ng favor kahit inaasar mo sya or kahit may sabihin kang mean. Kapatid mo yun eh. I'm not saying it's right, but there's a special privilege kapag magkapatid kayo at kayo-kayo ang nagaasaran or nagco-comment ng di maganda sa isa't-isa. Pero pag ibang na tao na, at bigalng sasabihing ; "eh may kwenta rin pala tong si BLANK eh!" or "BLANK! Palitan mo yun ha, bumili ka sa labas nun!" iba na dating diba? Kasi pag kapatid mo wala kang purely evil intentions, may awkwardness lang to show your affection which is completely normal. Kumbaga kapag inasar mo yung kapatid mo dahil malaki ngipin niya or madami siyang pimples, hindi ka nasasaktan at hindi mo intensyon na maoffend siya, lambing mo lang yun. Pero pag narinig ang mga nasabing pang-aalaska sa ibang tao maiinis ka o magagalit ka at ipagtatanggol mo ang kapatid mo kahit totoong malaki ngipin o tenga niya.

Enlighten me.

May anak na ako. Hindi pa kasal. May plano pero mas pinili namin ng asawa ko na unahin ang gastos sa bata. WERRRNGKKK!!!!! Rewind! Asawa? Hindi pa kasal di ba? Bakit asawa? By paper syempre hindi, technically hindi kami binded by God or binded simply by marriage. Pero kung may anak na kayo, nagmamahalan {given the differences and quabbles}, ano kayo? Mga magulang ng anak ng isa't- isa? hahahahahahahaha Or are the two of you "just friends"?? isa pang hahahahahahhahahah! Sa mata ng mga oldies, lalu na yung mga sarado ang utak (yes merong hindi ganyan kahit parehong circa sila ng mga tinutukoy kong mga old folks), or yung mga traditional lang talaga, mga by the book kumbaga. Pero what's the deal with witches and their "questions"? Ano ba talaga ang intensyon ng mga tanong nila? Kasi natanong na nila dati itatanong ulit. hehe Specifics? E.g kapag hindi ko kasama si gilbert dahil may work sya or may family thing sila, hahanapin. "Si gilbert?", "San si gilbert?".. *sigh* Ako naman sasagot ;"Nasa QC po" or "may work po".. isa pang *sigh* Ano ba gusto niyong palabasin dibah?? Ngayon niyo lang ba nalaman na may anak na kame at ganito sitwasyon namin? Hindi diba? So why the stupid questions? {note: example lang yan. delikado kapag nilahad ko yung mga grabeng interrogations}.

to be continued...

can't you even spell stoopid correctly?

2009-04-14T20:39:00.003+08:00

can't you even spell stoopid correctly?

I went home today cranky, sweaty, wanting to take a bath for the nth time. I feel like my day's wasting away with the whole sweaty country! Then I stumbled with a pretty pathetic site. Her a.k.a "the little bitch's blog"! Well, i must pull the "oops!-she-did-it-again" line to her on the count of she did do it again.

When you write or say or do something which is not exactly nice to someone you don't expect
good karma to come your way stupid! Saying this is useless, but i'll say it again- "With every action comes an equal reaction". I don't know why she just couldn't get it. But hell, if she's just a pseudomaturity-police then she can arrest any suspected immature little skank like herself.

Like hello? If someone already has responsibilities you should know better than to rant your ass off especially if you think that you're real mature boney!

Just when i thought the skipping dvd of my much-awaited how-i-met-your-mother marathon couldn't be more suckier than anything else, i stumble upon the least stable person i ever met. *sigh*

I'll just eat my chilled cherry jell-o... I'll look better tomorrow, feel better, be more mature than your little rat's ass. hehehehehehhehehhehehe

torn between two offers continued.

2009-03-31T21:53:00.002+08:00

hmmm how should i start this?

well, for starters i left my job na. the morning after i resigned it felt like breaking up with a boyfriend. haha it reminded me talaga how it's like. natatawa nalang ako. umulan pa. haha kasi nung unang panahon, as ironic as it is, everytime i break it off with a guy it would always rain. kaya coincidence talaga. Pero like break-up scenarios, no regrets.

Nakaka-touch lang kasi tablahan ang drama sa opisina haha as in nung una parang di na nila ako pinapansin, tapos nung nag-email ako ng kalokohan balik sa dati na at nagreply pa ang mga bruha. hehe nakakatuwa lang kasi with a stint as short and a resignation as sudden, andami ko na agad nakaclose. Nakakamiss talaga. I'm really happy though, i mean everytime i get to sacrifice like this.. not a soul can sense i'm happy with the decision i made coz it wont show and i wont deliberately show it. It's worth it kasi. Now that i have all the time i need right now for my kid, grabe yung euphoria. Of all the things that i've written in my book of life, this aspect of euphoria is the best one yet. I'm no over-achiever kasi, no title connected to my name... hmmm but as i said i don't need a title to feel good about myself. still not aiming to be complacent okay. hehe it just feels best when i just am. not trying to be anything other than- well, what i am.

Talked to a friend working in the company i'll be working for, and i'm looking forward to my first day {20th of April}. Atleast may clearer grasp na ko ng mga duties ko/ job description. I'll know what to expect na. Pag nakaipon naman ako business venture na {as I've been plotting since highschool}. :p

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I loved our weekend getaway at Tuguegarao! Posted pictures at multiply na. Grabe i wanna go back hehe Kaso gastos hehe oh well, someday i'll get to travel big time.

I'm destined for greatness. Success is not defined by the girth of your wallet or size of your bank account, it is how you can see perfection in a world where the only perfect thing that exists is the word ("perfect") itself.

It's been a while man!

2009-03-13T19:42:00.003+08:00

Torn between two offers (naka nams!!)

I feel so blessed and overwhelmed.

I have a job which I've learned to love, and i'm so at home already. It's only been a month but i feel like i've been working here for a year! No, my colleagues are not maldita, not at all! i actually fell in love with them in an instant. i know it seems too soon and some may even think i'm exaggerating, but boo yah! im not. All the people I've talked to say one thing. That you stay here not for the salary, may be for work, but mainly you stay because of the people, the camaraderie... I'm actually enjoying myself. I don't feel the hassle of working overtime (and i'm happy coz i can charge it like that yihee). So why the drama???

Here's the flipside of the story- October of 2008 I applied for a job as a Financial Analyst at ***&*&*&*, they said I got in but I wasn't able to come on board because it's an american company and everyone knows the dealy-yoh with the economic crisis so their action point is to go on freeze hiring and they were left w/ no choice but to reshuffle. I got pretty disappointed but what can I do? They told me that once new projects come their way they'll hire me on the spot.

March 04, 2009 I received an email from their Operations Manager inviting me for an interview. Man I was pretty psyched about it coz I got a hunch of what it's about. March 11 I was set for an appointment with their country manager, one of their big bosses. I was really flattered with everything he said. He even told me that he remembered me well coz I was the one who did all that research. I did. :) And I guess all those preparations paid off. He knew I didn't have any financial background. Though he knew that I worked for one of the largest multinational banks. He was actually the SVP of that same bank years back. He knew my former bosses still. He asked me to choose from the three new projects they have. Apparently they're ramping up and the expansion includes me in his mind. Me? Being pirated by some big shot boss? who da thunk? lol

Long story short..... He put a price on the table. Money-wise, I'd take it. But as I said, I love what I'm doing right now. That's why I can't decide!

To be continued...

yes girl

2009-02-03T22:38:00.002+08:00

yes girl

i was given an offer. and i accepted.

bow. hehe

originally, i applied for a marketing assistant position. Im willing to start at square one, but fortunately they endorsed me to an officer position. Im proud of myself for being able to be seen as such. Mas gusto ko pa yung responsibilities ng bago kong trabaho. Best part is- I have my own spacy cubicle! hehe As in I can put chorvaleys on my desk, on my bulletin board hehehe Simple lang masaya na ko hehe It may not be as glamorous as HSBC but I know I'll love it in my new office. :)

Medyo kinakabahan lang ako baka kasi malditahin ako ng mga bagong colleagues ko or baka may ma-miss ako sa job, wag naman sana!! hehe I'll be starting monday next week. :)

Let's get it on!! hehe fight fight fight!

YES and NO

2009-01-31T01:39:00.005+08:00

i wish you could step back from that ledge my friend..

haha i watched yes man (finally!) and it's better than watching benjamin button. before you go spaz out or something let me tell you that YES MAN is a feel-good movie that's why. I can also watch Benjamin Button by borrowing a copy from my cousin- so boo! haha

Gilly & i met at hypermart near tiendesitas. he let me pick the movie this time. We originally planned on watching "The curious case of Benjamin Button". The title was so long that they had to cut it short to fit the board, so there goes "Benjamin" on it. hehe which by the way takes 3 hours (2 hours and 45 minutes to be exact), so i chose Yes Man..

Basically Carl Allen got himjself hooked up on a programme which forces a person to say yes to everything, but turns out he didn't use it right. So he ended up making the wrong decisions and hurting some people along the way. What's so cool and ironic is - it's so cool and ironic! haha It's like fate is in on it. Plus the fact that Carl (Jim Carrey) got his mind all mixed up he lost a bit of control. It's really funny and as usual, only Jim Carrey can pull it off!

I was reminded of my old self. The one I liked. The one I'm happy with. I was reminded that just because I had my baby doesn't mean I can't live anymore. Plus, Gilly finally realized how I define FUN.

I missed the time when detractors didn't exist in my world. I missed the time when I didn't know they even existed. I guess it's really about time to stop fighting back and start stepping up.

But yes, I relate to Yes Man. Thanks to some fatso faggot I can live again. *grin*

Gawd this movie has affected me so much in a good way! haha It even made me do 4 consecutive cartwheels on the parking area!!! seriously. {Coz if you may not know, doing cartwheels after a good movie is my thing, and yeah, Gilly just lets me do it ehehehe}

yay!

2009-01-25T22:15:00.002+08:00

Indiependent! hehe

I'm really excited for next month, not because I'm getting rid of my mom {course not!} but basically because I'll be able to take charge and handle the household income. I can cook whatever I want and buy home decors I've been eyeing. :) But it also means that there'll be less people in the house kaya medyo worried ako when I go to work. I'm even opting to hire a temporary security guard. My mom and my kuya will be in Canada for 2 whole months! Gilly can't come home every weekends. hmm Actually it's possible for my fiance to come home during the weekends...

Anyway, I just made Peaches and Cream Ref cake, hehe It's a hit kahit malambot pa at dipa masyado nagse-set excited kumain mga tao dito hehe. I'm happy my Uzuri's home with me. :)) So far, with my life, I can say I'm contented. *sigh

looking back

2009-01-16T01:04:00.004+08:00

looking back

I did something i kind of regret. But I'm gonna own up to it as I should. I didn't say anything mean or bad directly at other people, but obviously someone got really affected. She-man (as I wanna call him), kept on interrogating me about the blind items whom I have negative feelings at. First of all, I am in the right position to feel bad because they've been doing things to me and my family for years. It's about time I speak up. I didn't drop names, I didn't say mean things, and I didn't curse. I just expressed my angst and pain. Now, it's just a bit abnoxious for him or them to feel they are being attacked when they are simply being confronted. My take on it was even so vague that noone would really be affected unless they are guilty of somehthing. I could go on and on about their wrongdoings but I'm choosing not to this time.

What's really ridiculous is that Sheman is still yapping as if nothing ever happened. One word. Plastic. Then he went sliding in questions and trying to wring out info. Diss the dirt man! {or should I say "girl"?}

Amplastik talaga. The fruit doesn't fall far from the tree talaga.

On the lighter end, I'm just trying to get over it. I know when to stop. I know I shouldn't feel bothered anymore, it only means they're guilty.

Troubled tramp needs some booze

2009-01-09T15:11:00.003+08:00

Troubled tramp needs some booze

I've been in a bit of a trance lately.. haha I can't believe after all these years I'm gonna be saying this line again!

I know by now I should be an all-contented, stay-where-you-gon-be, be-what-cha-hafta-be mommy. But I'm human. That never changed.

I like someone. But I never really gave the thought much attention coz I know I never wanna lose what I have. To me it's just some stupid, harmless crush and I always assure Giily of that. But I guess it's about time I face it and not always undermine issues that I feel are too absurd to feast on. Right now I just need something to break the monotony of things {without being polygamous!!!}. I'm misunderstood already, I don't need my imperfections to be emphasized all the more. About liking this guy, I told Gilly about it and he just took his usual deep breaths whenever I tell him stuff similar to this one. Gilly.... for me... is.. to good to be true. I mean he's the ideal life partner if you want someone faithful, loyal and attached. He's a gent and you'd think he's the closest thing to perfect! But that's just it. That's what's wrong with the picture. He's too good for me. I'm not having self-pity moments. I'm just being real. Sure he has flaws too, but bottomline? He's not for me. He's not exactly my ideal life partner. We do get along, but more often than not I see him as the bestest friend a girl could ever have. And the fact that he's too good or he's the ideal husband/ boyfriend to most girls gives me more reasons to stay. I've been hesitating to leave for a long time (especially now that we have a kid), but it hurts when I feel or see him hurting. I know he doesn't deserve that, I know he doesn't deserve me.

We had a little squabble about this. I told him I can't really deal with it knowing it's hurting him. He told me it's better to face it no matter how hurtful it may get, get it over with and move on. He told me to think about it. Told me to find out if I really love him like that. All these so I can find my happiness. I deserve it, I know I do. I'm one of the few who knows what they want and does something about it. But I'm not as selfish as everyone thinks. That's why I'm struggling. I don't need this other guy to like me back, I just need to get this out of my system! Guys go through this too. It just so happens that I'm the guy in the relationship. Well, a good mix of both actually. That's why it's also hard to be where I am. Coz I'm so encurbed by the society and the norms and such! So expect I'll be thrown rocks at.. {way to add humor haha} Standing beside Gilly emphasizes my imperfections. These are just a few of my travails.

I like this other guy becoz he IS my ideal. I know I have a chance with him. But it'll never be. I'm still into him. What can I do?

pokpok! man-whore

2008-12-13T02:13:00.008+08:00

what a jerk...

You'd think by now you're as hard as a rock... *sigh*

I hate him.. well, scratch that.. hate is a strong word... lemme just say it's really annoying what he's doing! i am referring to another "him" this time, not my gilly. I love my gilly. soo much.. that's why i'm ranting about a certain jerk i just met..

here's the scoop..

At first i thought it was just some lame excuse to get over his sadistic girl.. turns out he's a real player.. he play the game well alright.. and he plays the male version of a damsel in distress.. He'll get close to you and open up to you as if he's just being a sincere, sweet guy.. But that's just his bait, when you get caught off-guard he'll reel you in like a perfect catch.. what a dud! And I thought i was being nice.. I almost fell for it.. Something about him triggered my weakness.. Like I'm regressing or something! I hate it. but kudos he's good at it.. It's just sad.. how his gf must feel and all.. having a super flirty bf.. Any girl would develop paranoia..

On the up side of things...

I feel really lucky and again it proved how gilly & i are meant for each other *mush* haha
I told gilly about this cocky jerk and I'm so proud of him for being mature about it, he didn't get mad at me. He just gave me some good advice and warned me about those kinds of guys. Felt a bit weird though! as if i was talking to my bestfriend. hehe

Hmmm... I'm glad he trusts me.. and I trust him..

I just hate the fact that flirty dude didn't think about the friendship, since we work together and all.. I found out he flirts with all the girls in the office.. Some news..

iron and wine {post-post} for 11-28-08

2008-12-01T04:16:00.012+08:00

iron and wine {post-post} for 11-28-08

SM Mall of Asia
A veneto for dinner
Movie: Twilight
Bowling

We watched Twilight to see what the fuss is about, all in all i give the movie a 60% rating. Pwede na! Yung mismong story though, parang tanga lang din. hehe Pero it's too cheesy talaga, but to me really funny! Gilly and I are just wondering- what's with Bella? I mean, she's not exactly jaw-droppingly gorgeous. She's not that interesting and she's not that edgy. She's actually next to ordinary. But oh well, I guess there's just something about her blood. hehe What about Edward? hmm Yummy!! haha I'm such a girl! I like his vampy look- fierce eyes, white skin, red lips.... And yeah, I guess the fact that he's centuries old! hehe No we're not buying the book or anything, we're good with the movie alone. No making epal in the twilight craze haha I love the scoring! Medyo na-hook ako sa music :) To sum it up, it's an exaggerated version of gossip girl with vampires. {Walang gawa sa Let the Right One In}

er shi pa:

It's actually our 4th year anniversary, Gilly and I. We've been through so much, it's almost a cliche. hehe Just to share our bliss...

We were like in our 3rd month haha

England's Best

Meatball Parmigiano

Yum-O!!!

Yum-O Meter:
Food- /////
Service- ////
Ambience- ////
Space- ////
Price- /// 1/2
Waiting time- ////

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Masaya mag-bowling at tinalo ko ang jowa ko hahaha!!!

kumembyular! hahahhahaahahha

2008-11-17T11:35:00.004+08:00

So......... balik call center muna ko. Di ko naman minamaliit ang call centers at mga agents, if anything naiinis lang ako sa mga agents na napakayabang. Tipong kesho malaki sweldo at may american accent eh kung umasta akala mo antas. Unconsciously nakukuha na nila ang ugaling arogante ng mga kano. {pero xmpre hindi lahat ng kano ganon.}

Masaya sa bagong work ko. Kasi bukod sa hindi pa taxed ang sweldo dahil trainees palang, masaya mga kasama ko. Diverse, smart people and most of them are just waiting for something kaya nag-call center muna in the meantime. I'm happy rin kasi nakakapag-brush up ulit ako sa english skills ko. Hindi kasi ako technical writer eh, i don't give a rat's ass about punctuation marks.. hehe Whatever sounds good yun ang ginagamit ko, and syempre since writing for me is an art medyo malayo talagang makulong ako sa teknikal na pagsusulat.

About the other job i was waiting for......... It's something i could really stick with long term, kaso unfortunate ang nangyari dahil tanggap nga ako nagkaron naman ng changes sa management nila. Nagkaron ng reshuffle ek-ek... Long story short- biglang hindi na nila need ng tao, and since ayaw din nila ng over-employed hindi nila kinuha yung mga pumasa. Pero magkakaron ulit sila ng bagong projects and promised me that they'll hire me as soon as dumating na mga yun.

Napipicture ko na sarili ko as a financial analyst... tsk tsk nabitin pa hehe

All's well that ends well day

2008-11-01T22:26:00.003+08:00

All's well that ends well day

Grabe super likot na ni uzuri, i took her to our clan's mauseleum today and boy was she hyper! Kalikutan stage na talaga ng batang to. Nakakatuwa and nakakapagod. Hassle lang kasi i had a pulsating headache, it's the worst since last year. Grabe ang kapal ng tao sa cemetery and yung mga naka-apartment ang mga patay sa may gate ng mauseleo namin nakaupo. Syempre si sofie {aka uzuri} nakikibarkada sa mga nakaupo hehe She took a seat beside the teenagers and tuwa naman sa kanya ang mga dalagito't dalagita. lol I prayed for papa of course, matagal-tagal ko narin hindi naipagdasal si papa. I dreamt of him na naman without anticipating this holiday. Actually I always dream of him when an ocassion' s about to come up. Nung broke ako napanaginipan ko sya, he was handing over some money! haha Papa talaga, basta makatulong kahit anong paraan gagawin hehe Kaso paggising ko syempre wala akong money on hand kasi nga dream lang. But what's eerie about it {and really twas a blessing in disguise}, was when a letter from prudential came saying I can claim some amount of money kasi scholar nila ako. Si papa kasi nag-avail nung education plan na yun, so in a way it was connected to my dream. Hehe coincidence? What a very good twist of fate, huh? :D

If there's anything to mourn about it's just me missin gilly...................

unico labyrinto

2008-11-01T11:21:00.002+08:00

May mga pagkakataon na pagsisisihan mo ang mga nangyari, ang mga nagawa mo, mga nasabi... Pero sa huli maiisip mo parin na kung hindi nangyari ang mga nangyari, kung hindi mo nagawa ang mga nagawa mo, kung hindi mo nasabi ang mga nasabi mo- magiging kasinglakas ka ba tulad ng sa ngayon? Marami na akong mapagdaanan, marami na akong nakilala, at dahil sa mga iyon alam ko na marami na akong nalalaman. Ngunit kahit kailan ay hindi ito magiging sapat upang aking masabi na natutunan ko na ang lahat ng dapat kong matutunan. Ang mawalan ng isang mahal sa buhay sa hindi natural na paraan, ang dumaan sa isang unos na hindi naiintindihan ng ilan, ang batuhin ang walang humpay na panghuhusga, ang magmahal ng sobra ngunit kulang pa... Matagal narin akong nagkulong sa mundong mas maiintindihan ng karamihan- ang normal, ang tama lang, ang pag- exist ng hindi malaya. Ang pagkomporme sa isang estadong tanging maaarok ng madla. Sa mundong to, at sa uri ng mga taong nabubuhay dito- hindi talaga nababagay ang kasabihang "be yourself"..

Sa mga nangyari sakin, sa mga nalaman ko ayon sa ilang taong pagoobserba sa mundong ginagalawan ko, ang pagiging ikaw ay hindi sapat. Maralit ito'y sobra pa, sobra sa kayang himayin ng mga utak ng mga tao. Hindi ko sinasabing ako ay mataas, at lalong hindi ko sinusumpa sa bato na ako ang pinakamalalim- hindi ito paligsahan. Wari ko lang ay malaman ito ng lahat, upang mabawasan {kung hindi man tuluyang mapuksa} ang mga bagay na sisira lamang sa ating kaligayahan.

Sa mga taong nakikipagunahan na malaman ang mga katotohanan ng buhay- good luck. Hindi ito contest. Hindi mo kailangang magpretend na mature ka na at naiintindihan mo ang pinagdadaraanan ng iba. Dahil hindi mo alam...

Sa mga taong takot makipagugnayan- goodluck din. Walang nanalong duwag sa laban ng katapangan.

Sa mga taong mistulang bato- Katulad mo ang duwag. Matuto kang harapin ang emosyon na itinalaga sayo. Dito ka rin naman matututo.

replication of one's self.. part 1

2008-10-29T22:38:00.002+08:00

writer's blocks {put them together little child}

finding yourself in glass pieces
a mosaic of your own determent
you served your precious time
only for a moment
you lie
you lie to me
as you lie
awake with me
weakness
a promise
you never thought you'd end up
in a ruined apartment complex

i was just a visitor
visiting hours is over
ask the shadows of my past
i wasn't the one you thought i was
a carcass
a circus
you tell every lie you cannot tell
a ray of sun
you thought you're done
an air of your only hope
up there your words unspoken

a letter on the table
in this cheap ran down motel
cracked wall papers
mute witness
a letter named for you
in block letters
it read
your heart
what it meant

jumped in your wrecked mauped
drifting as your life passes you away
battling with a traffic of thoughts
the lights weren't there to guide you
not anymore..
not anymore..

but the letter wasn't for you.

tonight is neigh. whatever.

2008-10-22T20:47:00.007+08:00

wehey.. The new job is going to be night operations and I'm sure people will ask "call center?" hahaha nope.. I wont elaborate anymore...

Lately I've been having flashbacks of angst and sonic ugliness of the past. I hate it. I just had to snap out of it, and good thing I was able to. Again, I refuse to elaborate. *sigh*

I can't relate enough to Yael Naim's "New soul", yes it's used for the new mac air commercial {you know, where the mac air is inserted inside a manila envelope? haha}. If you're not familiar here's a gist {or the whole song rather}.. lol

New Soul

I'm a new soul
I came to this strange world
Hoping I could learn a bit 'bout how to give and take
But since I came here, felt the joy and the fear
Finding myself making every possible mistake

La, la, la, la (21x)
La, la, la, la (21x)

See I'm a young soul in this very strange world
Hoping I could learn a bit 'bout what is true and fake
But why all this hate? try to communicate
Finding trust and love is not always easy to make

La, la, la, la (21x)
La, la, la, la (21x)

This is a happy end
Cause you don't understand
Everything you have done
Why' s everything so wrong

This is a happy end
Come and give me your hand
I'll take you far away

I'm a new soul
I came to this strange world
Hoping I could learn a bit 'bout how to give and take
But since I came here, felt the joy and the fear
Finding myself making every possible mistake

New soul... (la, la, la, la,...)
In this very strange world...
Every possible mistake
Possible mistake
Every possible mistake
Mistakes, mistakes, mistakes...

***************************************

Yes, I am a new soul. Again, trying to reinvent myself for the nth time. Trying to forgive the past, and everytime i try i never fail to bake a fresh batch of mistakes..

new everything

2008-10-17T23:33:00.002+08:00

I'm a bit in a cliffhanger situation right now. I'm waiting for the result of my application in -----. hehe {cge i-ccliffhanger ko din kayo}. I had my final interview thru skype coz the new president is still in vietnam. I just hope that ifever i get considered I'll be working on the dayshift, kasi kung hindi parang nag-call center narin ako hehe Natutuwa narin akong mabilis ang processing kasi the day after my first interview and exam, final interview na agad. Thanks din to mr. goodboy sa mga tips and hints! hehe

I'm happy with how things are right now. It's slowly smoothing out and I know gilbert is loving me more. :) Though I still object with some things, things that someone else should own up to. May mga tao lang talagang stubborn, I'm just hoping na matuto narin sila. Sila rin ang may kailangang matutunang leksyon. At least I was able to confide with a wise person, wise kasi oldy na talaga hindi nagmamarunong na neneng. Anyways, I don't hate anyone in any way naman, I guess I just got disappointed kasi nga I felt betrayed and amplastik naman talaga whichever way you put it.

sha sha.. I don't mean to bash anyone anymore. Eto talaga yung example ng freedom of expression lang, hindi yung simpleng parinig tapos pag nakompronta eh ijjustify yung mali...

In between jobs

2008-09-24T13:50:00.003+08:00

I got a text message (and 4missed calls) from Ms. Cheri, the HR associate who interviewed me for Axis Global. I think I may have a chance to be hired as a Corporate Accounts/ Development Officer. I thought maybe I wasn't considered since it's been days since I last heard from them. The final interview will be scheduled pa since I'm gonna be interviewed by the President of the company himself. whew* nervous* haha He's out of the country daw so wait nalang ako for the schedule. At least I'm for final interview na. Sana tanggap na, para pipili nalang ako. hooray! Yesterday i emailed my resume naman sa co-member ni Gilbert sa HCP. He's from San Miguel naman and he'll help me daw. Sana magustuhan naman ako ng HR for the marketing department, magkaron man lang sana ako ng chance hehe I'm not desperate or anything, kung tutuusin it's not that hard to get a job eh, mahirap mahanap yung career na gusto mo. I can't map my career path if I don't even have a gist where I wanna go or what I wanna be.

*sigh* I just hope matanggap narin ako sa Axis, ok na yun kung tutuusin. Ire-reimburse din nila phone bill ko eh :) {isa lang yan sa mga benefits}

Free tickets!!

2008-09-21T09:48:00.003+08:00

Hooray, i won 2 tickets to the advance screening of The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2! hehe It's gonna be held on September 22, 2008/ monday, 8pm at cinema 6 Powerplant Mall, Rockwell Makati. Have no idea who I'm gonna watch it with since my bestfriend has work that night, my boyfriend is preoccupied and my other friends are plain busy. hehe May iba naman hindi trip yung movie, maganda kaya yun! :) Oh well, I posted a contest on my multiply. I hope somebody wins hehe (syempre for friends lang yun! hehe di qualified mga strangers hehe)

sabbatical? On my wishlist: another balloon episode

2008-09-15T00:47:00.002+08:00

*from multiply*

In this entry, I am letting it all out in the open.

And by "it" I mean my resignation.

I took the job for 2 reasons, and two reasons alone- one, because I need money for my baby, and two- because I had to. If you think about it, it can be considered as one and the same. But in my sense it's not. Anyway, I have been struggling with a lot of things in my life and I realized that adding another load wouldn't help. In order for me to be a better person, mom and wife, I must first serve my time in my cell so I can finally figure out what I really want to be and where I want to go.

I've always wanted the free-spirit-tag, I mean if there's any label you'd give me it might as well be "free-spirit". Being a slave in the corporate world isn't really for me. I understand rules, policies and regulations and abide and comply my ass to them. Plus I've always envied acquaintances / friends who swims in the creative ocean. It's always been my idea of a "comfort zone". Though I also want stability not just for me but also for my baby, I can't really afford to go experimental on money-making- not now, not ever. But it's a risk I have to take. I need to get a taste of it since I've been craving it for quite some time now. I wish I can find a job that will serve me just that. I don't feel all confident right now since I know I'm not fully equipped with the tools of the trade, but I can learn and it's never too late.

Alam kong pag nalaman to ng nanay ko (hindi to paranoia or walang-basehang agam-agam) iisipin na naman na di ako tumagal, wala akong tiyaga, o batugan akong tunay. Ngunit aking sinasaisip ang posibilidad na hindi lamang niya ito lubusang naiintindihan dahil hindi niya ito naranasan {pasintabi nalang, hindi ko sya kinukutya}. Ang sakin lang, alam ko na ang trabaho ay hindi isang larong-bata na pag sapit ng kulimlim at mistulan nang trapo ang mga kamiseta ng mga kalaro ay uuwi na ako at magpapahinga sa buong araw na paglalaro. Lalu pa't ngayon na meron na kong anak {dependent ika nga sa TAX hehe} alam kong wala akong karapatang magpahinga o magsawa. At hindi, hindi sawa ang salarin. Isang simpleng realisasyon ang tanging nag-udyok sa aking desisyon. Wala akong pinagsisisihan, "it felt right" kumbaga.

Kung meron man akong pag-aalangan ngayon ito ay ang kakulangan saking kaalaman, na kaya (at kung hindi man), kakayanin kong alamin. Kailangan kong maging ganap na ambisyosa. hehe So ano ba talaga ang gusto ko? Sikretong malupit. bwahaha kung nagbabasa kang talaga andaming clues. Umupo ka muna sa iyong thinking chair kung di mo nagets at isulat sa iyong handy-dandy notebook ang mga clues. hehehe

note to self:
"Tama na ang pakikinig sa iba, mas sasaya ka kung makikinig ka sa sarili mo. Dahil ikaw lang ang nakakaalam kung ano ang gusto mo sa buhay."

w.a.n.t.e.d

2008-09-14T00:37:00.002+08:00

Wow. Nakakatuwa naman, I just checked my email and I have an employer request from lina_emprequest already. Ibig sabihin nito ay may company na nag-view ng resume mo at interesado silang pag-apply-in ka. At dahil pi-n-requalify ka ng company mas mataas ang chances na kunin ka nila. :) I don't know what Xoom AutoGas is all about yet, but they're interested in me applying as a Marketing/ Business Development Officer. The job description goes something like; "Shall be tasked to create marketing programs and strategies to increase awareness of the public about the business. Shall create key accounts and open business opportunities in all industry connected with automobiles". Gusto ko ata to.. XD

I just checked out the company profile and it's a bit interesting. I just hope the offer will be within my expectations hehe If not- there are other better jobs :) we'll see..

FRYday

2008-09-13T00:56:00.001+08:00

This morning, I said to myself; "it's friday, and it's my last day..." I cried bcoz I got touchy yesterday with my boss and got a little emotional today with my team. It's funny how I get attached to people I don't know well. Anyway, on to my next job! I loved working in HSBC, but it's not for me. The job itself is not for me. I felt a sense of relief when I filed my resignation today. It's official- I am jobless! hahahaha Nah. I will find a better path, one that will suit me and one that I'll love more. Of course now that I've been with a top bank corporation my work value climbed a notch, and I'm proud of myself :) Hello higher pay hehehe

no fine line...

2008-09-04T23:31:00.002+08:00

I just need to rant!!!!!!!!!!

My gawd!!!! I'm really harassed this week.... I need to go out on saturday night, is all i need i swear.. i've been trying to pull up my numbers, and gawd am i exhausted! stoic!!! stoked!!! Lahat na... Let the all the ranting metaphors boil down on me! I just can't stand the unnecessary sungit- technique of some people. Badtrip lang lalo kasi may mga taong kesho matagal na eh nag-popower trip.. oh my gawd.. and i thought may pinag-aralan at modo mga tao dito... actually marami naman professionals eh, ang problema marami rin ang hindi. I hate superiority especially when it gets out of hand. How can other peopl work if there are jerks hogging the workstation, or making you move over when they need to use the computer. Go find your own! It's just so annoying, first come first served nga eh dba.!? Senior na nga parang di naman makaintindi. I'm not the only one pestered. I'm speaking in behalf of 4 confirmed victims. I'm not exactly bullied, my co-newbie is. Kung utusan kala mo PA. Tama ba yun? Kung sakin gawin yun d ako papautos, i'll joke about it but i wont do what they say.. favors are different from commandering... There's no "fine line" between them. period!

♥ a day in a life of a waitress... {coz i wait. that's wut i do.}

2008-08-23T16:53:00.005+08:00

♥♥♥♥ hey hey hey.. ♥♥♥♥

I've been hogging the computer the whole day and my head is spinning. I'm waiting for gilbert {as usual}... I can't count the times I've waited for him. I've collected enough magazines to fill up a rack just because i needed something to read while I pass time waiting for him. For example, last thursday night at Gateway mall. He needed to meet up with the buyer of his logica speakers in Novaliches, I had to wait for him at gateway starbucks in araneta circle. I passed by a magazine stand at the MRT station while talking to him and realizing I'll be waiting {again}, I decided to buy a back issue of Entrepreneur magazine, since I've been researching on SME's plus Rajo Laurel's Rugs Bags are on the issue. I craved for a caramel cream and sat my ass on a wooden chair. I hate them woodedn chairs in starbucks, especially when I'll be waiting for an hour or more! I can't find meself a couch! gurrrr... I read the magazine from cover to cover but still gilbert isn't even on his way to meet me yet. I did some of my work and even snoozed for minutes. tick tock...... at last gilbert texted; saying his on his way na...

Oh the torture... 8( But then again i'm the one asking a favor so i had no right to rant that time. He arrived 4omins after and coming in he said; "andyan yung ex ni R******" grinning. I said; "talaga? san? sino dun si *******". After the chikka minute we talked for a while and he made fun of the gay couple on the next table talking about gay stuff and the launching of the PSP w/c according to gay guy #1, is touch screen. Of course I made saway but laughed getting his humor.

On the way to the MRT station he pointed to a girl in front of us, he was claiming it was G***. But since I was previously obsessing {yes, inaamin ko na!!!} on this young chic, I knew it wasn't her. But now that I think about it, I guess it WAS her. But oh well, I'm over her. I think I need to explain myself on the obsessing thing.. Lately I've been viewing a girl's online account {I'm not gonna mention if it's friendster or multiply, or both hehe}, but only because I deal with insecurities a different way. Some girls/ ladies/ bitches deal with their insecurities by backstabbing, hating, commenting rudely, criticizing etc those girls who look better than they do. But moi? I admire. No i'm no lesbo, and I know I have my own appeal. But something about this girl reminds me of my young self. I don't look as good as her but I guess it's just the missing-the-good-old-days drama that got me a little hooked up on her. Gilly on the otherhand gets the satisfaction when he teases me that i'm attracted to a girl haha. The girl is actually an ex of his friend's, and was gilly's schoolmate in highschool. So there, I can say that I'm proud of myself for not looking too foolish getting all insecure and whatever. I love my life, no matter how complicated it may get. XD

xoxo
♥♥♥♥♥hahahahahahaha!!!! ♥♥♥♥♥

work.

2008-08-16T00:58:00.002+08:00

I love work! hehe yes i do -oooh- ooohh! hehe ulet. I love the fact that everything is reimbursible- from transportation to medicines, to consultations to phonebills!!! *sigh*
wala lang. I just realized (again) that I'm blessed to be working in a multinational bank and that I am a bank officer in a flash. no need to play the teller part, no need to wait for the bosses to err- die before you get promoted.... *sigh again* I was idle for many mommy-months and yet HSBC took me in and made me part of their family. hahaha drama crap... My teammates are great, i have lots of fun with them even when we're harassed with work. I love the fact that I bought 2 parker pens hehe! engraved xmpre, nakiki-parker na ko haha One for gilly and one for me.. corporate na corporate! weehoo! Best part of work is actually-- after work, when I come home to my uzuri... ♥ That's the best part. I don't feel tired, she makes mommy's booboo' s in life go away.. :) I love it when she says "dede!" hehe she's so cute with teeny voice and her teeny mouth and her teeny hands (yes, lahat na teeny kahit anlaki ng pata at tummy nia! sabi nga ni gilly- parang butete!!wahaha)

Nag-aya sina jom mag- G4 kanina, pero nacancel din, hehe di na talaga matuloy bonding with the batchmates complete. There's always a next time. Saturday night I'll be out with my ol' girls.. Chacha needs us. hoohoo Mahirap talaga buhay may asawa.. masaya na mahirap... na masaya... na mahirap... na masaya.. hehe Daan lang kame sa bday ni caloi then batsi na sa gurlz night out! yes, kulang kame ng isa.. hmm sino kaya yun? oh well, i don't feel like being with her.. sorry haha i have to admit i'm still a bitch sometimes.. a more mature bitch! hehe we have to learn to choose our battles.. hindi talaga lahat worth my time para patulan. we all have to learn, right? especially when you think you know everything... that's the time when you have to snap out of it and think again.. coz you don't know everything... nakakahiya naman if you claim something that only makes you foolish.. :)

That knight..

2008-08-04T19:36:00.002+08:00

I forgot to say how my jaw dropped for "the dark knight". Bruce Wayne had the greatest sacrifice of all, being misjudged and all, and still being the protagonist. The joker is so manipulative that he got the whole city of Gotham to think twice about saving themselves and becoming criminals.. The movie was smooth and batman's voice- was.. err- a little funny. hehe
It was Heath Ledger's best and last performance and i'm asking for an encore! I wanna watch the movie again. It was a fun night for me and gilly at trinoma, before watching the movie we headed to timezone first and got our picture taken at what-seemed-like a simpler version of neoprint (and funniest bcoz of the english translation hehe it was obviously chinese kinda like a chinglish episode haha "choose the picture which interests you".. etc ) We played time crisis , the usual... and no! we don't do that "i'll win this life-size stuff toy for you na mas malaki pa syo" kind of thing! haha we shoot hoops, be like idiots and have fun. After the dummy-proof arcade thing we pigged out a bit at mrs. field's, we shared a bar of Rocky Mountain Mogul which is the best sin of all and went inside the movie house only to find out that yael (and the whole spongecola gang) is seated beside me. yes, yael is on my right side, getting all squimish when the joker seemed like he's gonna slit someone's face. Gilly was nudging me, making fun of me saying "naks, i'm with the band" hahaha and all i can do is smirk and feel like a groupie, but no i'm not into them. It just feels a bit weird sitting with famous people who used to be unpopular, who used to be watched by gilly when they weren't swimming in the mainstream yet. Even if i'm given the chance to sit beside a band i like, i guess i would just set them aside. That's how good the movie was. That's how awed i was (and still am) with The Dark Knight.

ding ding ding ding

2008-07-30T10:09:00.003+08:00

I' m on sick leave today.. by dose is as itchy as ever.. translation? my nose is as itchy as ever! I keep on sneezing nonstop. If i were to take antihistamines i'd doze off. hmmm

On friday gilly and I will be attending a wedding. It's our first ever. Kakilig naman he invited me hehe It's his client's wedding daw. He' s so good at what he does he gets invited to such events. He was surprised nga daw when he got an invitation he thought it was sent wrong. Anyway, I need to don a bolero for my tube dress. yihii :)

no more imbyerna blues..

2008-07-29T17:11:00.004+08:00

yay!

Work has been great and fun. Our team's stats are at it's highest and I have this feeling i' ll reach my goal! :) Malapit na kami ma-regularize! Gilly and I are doing good. Happy and growing stronger. I't s fun being a bank officer with the benefits, friends, perks of the work itself... *sigh*

I loved how my bday turned out.

July 12, 2008

footspa - a day alone -
inuman with my oldest, closest friends

July 13, 2008

Enchanted Kingdom with bebe!!

*pictures at my multiply *

BIG RED BARN

2008-07-09T16:47:00.003+08:00

June 29, 2008 at Big Red Barn...

fun fun fun! at Uzuri's first bday.. Sure there were mishaps but they' re bareable. Thanks to those who made it {and thanks to those who didn't choose pacquiao over us! hehe} :)

More pictures at my multiply :)

gossip farts & imbyerna blues

2008-06-15T23:01:00.002+08:00

This is one of the things i don't need right now... but heck, it's like a have a choice.

I've been okay with my new job at a reputable company-slash-bank regardless how tiring and (at times, demeaning) it can get. What i need to rant about though, is my tan-ta-na-nan!!!! My boss. *I know, i can "hear" eyebrows raising & eyes popping out at this very moment.* Lakas ba ng loob ko? Well, this is just me being risky, no, say it as "riskey" lol It's just that i get annoyed at unnecessary things because they are unnecessary. Like when I started turning in applications, she said out loud- "(name of a colleague), turuan mo si donna mag-turn in! di pa sya marunong!" When i say "out loud" i mean rinig-ng-12 floor-na-puno-pa-ng-tao-dahil-maaga-pa kind of thing!! Napangiti nalang ako, sa ewan. Ewan kasi usually magtataray ako or magco-comment pero this time i had to hold it in. lol Okay, so mababaw pa yun.

Pero another office "don't" kasi ay ang mga gossips!!! "hahahahahahahahaahahahahahaha" plus "badtrip lang kasi parang mga walang magawa sa buhay" ang tanging sumagi sa aking isipan nung finally nakapag-react nako regarding the issue brought up during one of our oh-so-early team huddles! Mantakin mo nga naman. Kabago-bago ko eh na-chismis na ang lola! It's just funny when you think about it, kasi ba naman i always tag along with my colleague/batchmate Algel, and to maliscious minds eh issue na yun. May maririnig nalang akong "oo nga bakit ba madalas kayong magkasama nun?", "alam mo bang naiintriga na kayo?", "honga! nung sales dance pa yun dba?","aah, yun pala yung tinatanong sakin nina BLANK, sino ba yung parating kasama ni Algel?!".... Haaay... Sa aga ng huddle na yon di ako nakapag-react ng normal. I mean kung pano talaga ako usually nag-rereact sa mga ganung eksena. Mataray kasi ako, i find it fun for me when i throw retorts with sarcasm. Pero since ang aga nga at nananaginip pa ko, all i blurted out was "ah, hehe wala lang. sus."

Pagdating sa bahay, napagtanto ko ang scenario na yon at nanghinayang dahil di ko man lang na-redeem sarili ko. But oh well, wala naman din kasi akong dapat ika-react that will satisfy their whims kasi Algel is a mere colleague, na mabait na masarap alaskahin dahil di napipikon. Nung sales dance kasi we went home ng sabay, why??? kasi Gilbert picked me up, sumabay si Algel and we dropped him off at Boni since he lives nearby. I wanted them to meet din kasi, why, again?? Kasi it's chismis-prone nga for a guy and a girl to be together, eh kaso hindi naman nakita nung iba si gilbert nung sinundo niya ako. *darn it* haha Anyway, kaya din kasi kame ang magkasama nun eh kasi team nila at team namen ang nag-combine to compete with other combined teams and since batchmates kame, malamang!!! kame ang magkasama. I don't get it. Kala ko kasi people inside the "corporate world" are more professional and appropriate, but i thought wrong pala.

In a way, i get it. Siguro kasi they're bored with their lame lives, or it's their way of unwinding. hehe I wont do that, I can't relax at other people's expense. Lalo na kung nakakawalang respeto sa ganung paraan. I tend to disrespect other people {not entirely intentional} because it's my lousy way of making a point. Pero to gossip or make stories about people around me? No way! All of this got me thinking- when i used to work for a call center/BPO, wala akong na-encounter na ganito, to think that a big percentage of people there didn't finish college due to numerous reasons, compared to what i'v experienced so far with my current job, nagtaka lang ako. Again, I am reminded that we don't learn everything from school. CSR's get belittled when not all of them are lowlives or jerks, or mayabang just coz they get good pay. As from the people who raised gossips- I expected more from them. Mga galing sa reputtable schools pa naman. Ako nga lang ata galing ceu dun eh. Get the picture?

Haaay... Sabi lang nina Algel at Jom, "hehe wag mo pansinin yun, hayaan mo na. gulat lang sila kasi may kasama kang artista" nyieh.

the ship is sinking

2008-06-14T08:43:00.003+08:00

I've no words for him at all.. i lost everything when i lost my spirit. it has gone with him.. I don't know if i 'll be able to move on like before. it's hard to soldier on when you've ran out of ammo. I need to reload. *sigh*

Sure i'll forgive him, but when's that?

Recap

2008-06-09T10:49:00.003+08:00

I'm no longer in the blogging mood. I guess I've finally ran out of things to say... though I've been thinking about tons of things.. I can't even remember them when I wake up. Oh well, i'ts time for a recap....

- been real busy with work since we hit the streets to sell, happy with work though.. even sans the perks! (but it's heaven when the perks are there!)

- i love having Italianni's as my client. I get free dalandan juice/ iced tea everytime I pay a visit.. {imagine, dalandan juice/ iced tea costs like Php120 somethings..} I even got tuscan bread from Lj.thanks dude!

- It's not that easy to hit the quota, we screen the applicants before they can even apply. sorry to those who belong to the marginal bucket, you need to have credit cards from other banks w/c are at least a year old. tsk.tsk

- Some friends can't be relied on, they only exist when you exist to help them. sorry, no time for you anymore. matulog ka nalang siguro. For people who work the night shifts, crucial ang sleep. hehe Sleep is you new bestfriend! haha

- sofie's bday is fast- approcahing i need to get a final plan na. My first option is Shakey's El Pueblo, since it's accessible to guests from either north or south. But when i checked the place out, it's too small to accomodate a hundred people. Next on the list is Mcdonald's el pueblo, the place is big, the theme "i love!" {disney fairies}, chracter appearance is free, but.... the food??/ i don't know... I'm having second- no- triple thoughts about it.. I need a place and a caterer! deadline is next week!

- yay for ate's balikbayan box!! At last it came na! hooray.. hehe i got a new showergel from bodyshop, plum=yum! i so love the scent. Sofie got new jelly shoes, clothes and toys, and showergels and lotions too! hehe i love free stuff!

i feel sad for those who forgot me. i feel sorry for those who think they can push me over... Now that you seem to be needing me.... all i can do is feel sorry for you.. mapagmalaki ka kasi eh.. kala mo naman CEO ka..hehe

*real friends don't look down on you..*

for the love of &~^%#!

2008-05-03T20:41:00.002+08:00

Oh yes, weekends are the best but if you're a mom like me missing a daughter, you'd be a little more hurt and sore at those people who only think of you as a young irresponsible mother. tsk.tsk.

I am a bit irked with gilly ranting all the time. It's official that i am in dire need of driving lessons- and a mint condition car! He's always complaining about traffic and how tiring it is to drive back and fort every weekends. We don't do that anymore. My mom said I have and need to understand him bcoz it is tiring to drive that long {with SLEX under construction and all} so then I understand. Even if it means I wont get to see Uzuri on a regular basis, even if it means more unpleasant comments will come my way, and even if it means getting fed up of tolerating his lame life. I've done things more exhausting than driving, I've been through troubles more tiring than work. Howcome he complains like this? People around me, especially my mum, tells me to understand Gilly, that he's kawawa for so many reasons, kaya wag ko daw awayin. She tells me she's not siding with anyone in any way but the way i see it- she is. Gilbert is always the one who's "kawawa", eventhough I'm the one away from my daughter. They always think of me as someone selfish and self- centered, what they don't realize is that I've learned to stand on my own thus I've learned to rely on myself alone, I need to take care of myself coz nobody else will. Ako para sa sarili ko. That kind of thing. How is that selfish when I'm only doing what any adult should? They should be proud of me being this way but as it turns out, they're not. So yeah, Gilbert is kawawa when I get mad at him, it's only in good sense that I have the right to be mad because he'd done something that caused me to go berserk. *sigh* Ako yung masama kesho ako yung mattapang. Ako yung hindi marunong umintindi kesho ayoko mag- tolerate. Ako yung buhay- dalaga at masarap daw buhay ko kasi wala sakin anak ko... fuck.

I miss my baby, only I don't wanna cry everytime. I guess in order for people to believe you are hurt, they should see you sob.. How stupid.

power at its best- and at its worst

2008-05-01T18:56:00.002+08:00

grabe. Kailangan ng cuss word if you're gonna describe the movie "ironman". Parang first time ko magwatch ng movie hehe It's really good. Gilbert and I went to see it last night (april30) at sm megamall, cinema 6. The last full show was at 9pm-11 something. Aside from Toni Stark's hot bod and hot cars (audi R8 and S5 coupe), this billionaire has a mind of a genius and his character still maintained his feet on the ground. He runs his business with a heart and acted as if his not the most superior being on earth. Gawd! I love him haha Talk about my ideal man hmm :) I wanna watch again!

Gilly and I checked out units at Manors a while ago. Prices range from 2.7M - 3.2M. I want a house not a condo unit. I told him I really wanted to don a car first, i wanted to drive since I was in highschool. I can drive an A/T already {who can't anyways? hehe} I just need lessons. Kanina we were driving along UP, actually I was driving! {yeah he let me take the wheel!! hehe} hehe I missed Up talaga, i still am a junkie by heart. I missed everything about it. Sometimes tambay lang kame ni gilly dun, sa Sunken, anywhere! Kain ng siomai, barbecue, sometimes with mat being the 3rd wheel. Kaso it rained so we needed to scoot- off. Later we'll visit Sam' s dad's internment at Loyola Memorial at Guadalupe. I don't know the cause of death but later we'll find out.

I'll miss my uzuri. I wont be seeing her over the weekends.. Oh well, Ty and I will go out tomorrow night, I'm thinking- let loose and get miyeh...a little drunk :) Sometimes booze keeps me sane.

good day dolly

2008-04-26T23:17:00.003+08:00

i miss my alter ego..

if only i had the power again to make her move the way i want to.. she has her own pace now.. she has her own world.. i made a monster out of her.. she made a monster out of me.. which am i in the picture?

*kudos to http://marmite-sue.deviantart.com*

busy bee

2008-04-26T11:55:00.002+08:00

Been a bit busy lately and things have been going on. haha I can't wait to do field work- i mean it's not exactly 26 degrees out there but hey we're in the Philly, life's like this. ;) I' ve been having second thoughts on my Uzuri's bday venue. Shakey's El Pueblo seems too small of a place to cram in a minimum of 80 people! haha i guess if they're all sitting down, space is no problemo..hmm

Having crushes is a highschool thing, i know, but it gives me a natural high (and i know i need one!). It gives me a sense of guilt when i tell my boyfriend about my crushes it's a way to back off from temptation haha. Coz the more i tell my boyfriend about it the more guilt i feel. Anyways, it's a harmless crush so screw it.

Last night pala we got home late coz we faced the worst traffic ever! Baby was in play mode when she woke up so it was sorry-mommy-you-have-to-play-too time for me. i was dead tired. Gilly was stoked driving, i didn't sleep on the way so i could keep him from nodding off.

I' m going to go out of my comfort zone and enter that Petron Art contest. Winning is an understatement, risking to lose is the deal. I just want to experience the heck of it.

i hate you.but i love you.

2008-04-20T18:03:00.005+08:00

i will keep you in my heart. locked up. but you're no prisoner. we are different in the most obvious ways. we live in the same world, yet.. we don't. we are the world's biggest irony. if we choose to part, i' ll still keep you close to my heart..

and so it goes for all that we are and we are not.. We cannot keep our lives going like it used to. Things happen, we change. Of all all the things i have in my life, you are the hell i love. Drifting back into heaven, is drifting back to you. Just like all the quotes and love songs, all will become cliches, but they'll always be true. I lose myself every once in a while and it's true i become a monster. I'm sorry. I ran out of things to say. I can't even write like i used to. I've been robbed by my senses.

wake up sleepyhead

2008-04-20T12:32:00.002+08:00

i seldom dream of my dad, but when i do somethin' always happens the next day..

i'm close to being broke since payday is not until the next month {i wont say when!hehe}. i got home 10:30 last night, went down to the basement to see the new bebe boy, blogged, showered, wen to sleep. i slept soundly, i love my room and i missed it as i missed my old self.. then i dreamt of my dad. he was radiating a very light happy aura. he was wearing his tennis outfit and he looked so illuminated. and then- he gave me money! haha i don't know why but he did. i guess it's his way of helping out. i just realized it's quite funny. i wont share this to my family. they'll just go- "uhhhh, okay haha".

when i woke up at 11am i went straight to the comfort room to check myself and do my morning wee-thing, my grandparents, together w/ my tita madre {my dad's older sister who's a nun}, were downstairs talking about my dad. They were visiting the new baby but everything always ends up with chats about my dad and the eerie coincidences that happened or happens . One example was during the holy week, my tito tets was putting up the curtains inside the karo w/c my dad used to do. my uncle couldn't figure out how to put it up then he said to himself ;"kuya ikaw gumagawa nito, pano ba 'to?" then when he looked up there was a sign pala that says "start here".. *sigh*

new her

2008-04-19T23:31:00.003+08:00

eto nga pla new hair ko bwahahaha! ayan na.. narcissism is consuming me.. hehe kidding.

c/o bambi of fix salon podium. from enterprise makati to podium hinabol ko ang oras at nagmistulan akong alipin sa metro ng pasimpleng abusong driver ng taxi. hati kame ni algel sa cab fare kaya keri lang. papasok ako ng door ng biglang palabas pala si sam milby. yes, this entry is actually a portal to sam milby's fan site! fat chance! hehe hindi ako mahilig sa mga taartits pero gwapo pala talaga sya. too bad if he really is gay.. anyway, he was holding a couple of shirts (i think) in his hands while waving goodbye to the super kilig na staff ng bench (yes moron, bench, dahil sa podium nasa loob ng bench ang fix salon). i was a bit caught off-guard. bwahaha watdakakk. i said "hi" out loud! oh dba, parang day off lang ni inday. he said "hi" back naman. hayun lang. ang highlight ng entry ay ang picture. hahahaha here's another one; {i'm just happy with the result! thanx bambi nilibre mo pa ako ng cut!}

haha naextra sa pa si telly talong. yan ang outlet na tinakpan ko ng unfinished painting (kuno*) wahaha oh well..

i'm missin' someone.. someone whom i used to call sikita or shakti..

this little birdie..went weetwiw

2008-04-19T23:08:00.003+08:00

This, ladies and gents, is my new nephew- Stephen Liam! He's 8.5 lbs. The first baby birdie hehe Puro girls kasi ang apo sa tuhod eh. hehe

more pics at multiply.

can't say i gave up.

2008-04-12T23:39:00.005+08:00

wenk..

i had so much in my mind i was planning to blog about, but i' m too bugged to even start. first off, i need to say that i hate pa-cool people. hehe especially those who are trying the hardest to send their asses off to cool school. here i am again, hating hahahaha nah, i just need to get this off my chest. i'm really not used to certain kinds of people. i'm just a simple being, a free- spirit to say the least. i love being naturally happy, with real people who don't give a rat's ass about being elite, popular or famous. who am i pertaining to?? hmmm nevermind. hahaha go figure!

anyways, here are some shots from the office.. "some" talaga kasi sobrang konti hehe

this was taken last saturday. the bum day.
{khryssy, jom and cathy}

while waiting for gel's atm {powervantage babeh!}

eto...? wala lang.. wala pang caddy

sunday-funday

2008-04-06T09:49:00.004+08:00

found this in my brother's folder. hahaha look closer.. you'll see why these pics are ridiculously funny! haha

post this pic on poopster- i mean friendster!

kiyayp!

snowcone frenzy

for the sake of art

nakakalurkey!

bull's eye!

high kick w/ sponsor kicks..

uhm.. mr. president..

protective mum

in lieu of ze summer heat

2008-04-05T19:35:00.002+08:00

Wahaha kahit mini pool pinatulan! The weather is scorching hot kaya kahit mini pool eepal ako- kame pala. hehe I bought it for 2k at megamall last friday, i finally got my moola! haha chip-in naman kame ni ate so magaan sya sa budget. hehe I'm proud to say that i got my cover-up from ukay eons ago.hehe ngayon ko lang nagamit. perfect! haha

makati girl

2008-03-30T09:46:00.004+08:00

nyaaahaha!

proudly, i must say, that slowly i am making a comeback! hehe this is what i need to redeem myself. i'm happy and excited with my new job. habang tumatagal lalo sumasarap hehe aging like fine wine? happy din ako with my colleagues, it's a small world talaga coz my ol' classmate sandra's friend khryssy is my colleague. nakakatuwa coz she's no snob or mean girl. we'll try to shop together, how is she kaya as a shopping buddy? hehe next weekend i'll find out. hehe we have no choice but to shop for corporate clothes talaga. required mag-heels and all. patay ang aming mga footsies... hehe

i miss my babies.. hindi talaga ako kampante to leave my baby uzuri with the hands of a stranger (a.k.a yaya). i seldom get to see her. ika nga, "sacrifice for other people's happiness.." i'm ecstatic for her bday, even if it's still 2 months away. :)

wholly week

2008-03-20T23:17:00.003+08:00

holy week is actually an annual thing for my family. every year, the clan and other second to third degree relatives gather together for the preparation of the procession. The sponsor decorates the antique cart our family had inherited from our ancestors. this year lola min, my paternal grandfather's sister-in-law, is in charge of the flowers/ decorations. again, everyone awaits their share of sampaguita. the sweet scent is nostalgic, i'm sure we're all gonna be reminded of my dad, who always helps out in cleaning the karo regardless who the sponsor is.

speaking of sampaguita, i was taken back by tokyo bubble tea's jasmine milk tea w/ bubbles. gilly and i tried their mixed sushi and jasmine milk tea. it's not that pricey but if you compare it to teriyaki boy you'll find it quite affordable since it's not the usual japanese resto. Bubble Tea is actually a haven for japanese treats and desserts. they also have meals and sushi' s, maki' s and sashimi's, {and the wasabi i oh-so- love!}, but basically it is japanese comfort food in a new light. we shall return.. hehe

pardon me for the segue, i forgot to mention that we had a bite to eat there last weekend. going back to the holy week fuss, gilly, my hubby, will be joining us tomorrow for the first time. our karo is 2nd to the last in line of the procession, it's the glass cuffin where Jesus Christ lay. i'll post some pictures so you can witness the antiquity i love about it. it just tells so much story.

watch out for it guys. :) have a safe lenten season! (i can't exactly say "happy holy week", sans the main purpose of the ocassion. hehe)

interesting indeed :)

2008-03-18T11:35:00.004+08:00

from wilson/ trafficlikeme;

Very interesting facts...

Easter is always the 1st Sunday after the 1st full moon after the Spring Equinox (which is March 20). This dating of Easter is based on the lunar calendar that Hebrew people used to identify passover, which is why it moves around on our Roman calendar.

Here's the interesting info. This year is the earliest Easter any of us will ever see the rest of our lives! And only the most elderly of our population have ever seen it this early (95 years old or above!). And none of us have ever, or will ever, see it a day earlier! Here's the facts:

1) The next time Easter will be this early (March 23) will be the year
2228 (220 years from now). The last time it was this early was 1913 (so if you're 95 or older, you are the only ones that were around for that!).

2) The next time it will be a day earlier, March 22, will be in the year
2285 (277 years from now). The last time it was on March 22 was 1818. So, no one alive today has or will ever see it any earlier than this year!

------------------------------------------------------

just something for the holy week. ;)

influxxe

2008-03-14T17:28:00.000+08:00

i need to stop by at fluxxe some time.. redemption baby!

electric.not!

2008-03-13T18:55:00.001+08:00

i got a call from miss andrea, the girl from HR of people 4 people. headhunter sila bale, kinda like jobstreet. i was supposed to sign with hsbc officially last monday pa pala pero i guess we had a miscommunication last weekend so i wasn't able to come. besides, imagine the tummy ache i had then, monster tummy ache talaga! hehe oh well, i'm rescheduled for the official contract signing on monday march 18. start nako by march 24. yipee yay!!! can't wait. hello regular working hours, goodbye graveyard shift forever! hehe

we were prepped na the same day i applied and got in. we should have postpaid cellfones daw and they're gonna pay for the bill up to 2k. bongga. affiliated sila with healthway, sosyal na ang medical attention ko hehe i can help gilly na with the expenses, plus shoulder my own needs and syempre diko na mababarat ng sobra yung sarili ko. i'll pamper myself to the extent na hindi ko naneneglect ang savings for my baby's college fund. wee! everything's going well na. plus gilly and i are tighter than ever. he's right. di dapat kame masira dahil sa iba.. oo keso. pero lab ko yun! haha

henakoh.. si jhanyz may bago nang boylet, *ahem excuse me, boyfriend na pala. hehe baby face nga naman, hope to see him on uzuri's first bday jha! hehe oo sana kayo pa nun. :)

♥ family day ♥

2008-03-11T10:33:00.003+08:00

yay! i'm glad gilbert had time for us yesterday. he's becoming more responsible, i knew he'd be the best father for my baby, glad i chose him. i'm proud of him because he's not as dependent when it comes to his decisions and his beliefs, and way of thinking. that's how any grown-up should be in the first place. that's how a decent person should be in the first place. while there are people who have been trying real hard to get noticed, I on the other hand have not been trying to do anything as low at all. hmm i guess that person got used to the fact that she's always on the spotlight, i feel sorry for her [a bit], because she's bothersome. w/o kaplastikan, i must say i hope she gets better. anyway, i'm just happy i have a man with me who can handle our situation and who's not as immature as some other guys. i know, i'm one lucky b*itch, suck it up lil' chick, you'll get your own soon. i mean as soon as you grow up though. :)

moving on to more important things;

i missed cindy and her baby boys! she dropped by last night, kumpleto ang pamilya! hehe she said jeff, her hubby, is doing gigs again. i promise you two, i'll watch just tell me when and where. :)

i'm a bit nervous about landing a good deal with the corporate accounts, but i'll do my best to perform well and to get my hands on those big fat incentives! haha i need to keep my focus, savings will be a breeze.

don't you just hate sudden attacks of tummy aches, migraines, nausea, etc...? i am acidic, and i keep my soda consumption and spicy cravings at bay, i even popped a TUMS tablet before going out yesterday just in case but i still suffered an effin great deal of pain coz of hyperacidity! it actually started last saturday night when i missed dinner, well i didn't actually miss it i just ate late unintentionally.. stomach churning is not exactly something i'd be giddy about when it comes to missing school or work. i' d rather fake it, thank you very much. i didn't miss lunch so i was counting on my tummy to be A-okay. i popped another TUMS during merienda but it did nothing. i love TUMS, it used to always work but not this time. keeping a good 4 tablets in my pillbox didn't do me any good. i hope next time it does. i' m now scared more than ever of missing any meal. i'm worthless with tummy aches, i have low pain tolerance and hyperacidity really causes monster pain. literal na sobrang namimilipit ako, ang hirap maglakad at huminga, nahihilo na nga ako kahapon kaya para akong tumama sa lotto sa tuwa nung narinig kong uuwi na. hehe

oh well, i'm feeling a little better now, but the pain is still enough to keep me at house arrest. nag-aalaga pa naman ako ng baby ko. worst scenario is at night time, when uzuri wakes up ever so often because she's still sick too. she has pharingitis daw. she's still under medication. :( hirap sya huminga due to congestion.. hmm to all mommies, i know you know the feeling. only moms like us know...

thanks nga pala to ebet for cleaning my fish tank! haha the fish were swimming with grime. hehe now they look so happy regardless.. :)

to manong calbo: i haven't got a credit card yet, i will have one soon :) you'll know if i've become a paid blogger na.hehe i'll keep you posted. ;)

at long last naman...

2008-03-08T19:27:00.001+08:00

thank god. i finally got a real job. hehe i'm out of the call center fuss. hello regular working hours! hehe i'm happy and excited. :)

I had my preemployment medical exam na kanina at healthway edsa shang.. i must say, napakaganda ng service lalu na ng mga staff. it's hard to find good help these days, and my healthway experience is an excemption. i paid nadah by the way, unlike other companies wherein you should shoulder the medical exam. I even had a free oral prophy! yay for healthy gums and a nice set of chompers. :)

hahaha whatever

2008-03-01T07:24:00.000+08:00

bakit ba kasi lahat ng kaduwagan at kahinaan eh kailangang i-justify thru strong words? empty naman?

bakit ba anlakas- lakas ng loob magsalita ng hindi maganda sa kapwa samantalang hind naman kayang panindigan ang mga binitawang salita?

bakit ba kapag nasa harapan ako eh walang pag-aatubiling mamlastik samantalang ako nagpapakatotoo parati?

bakit ba kasi ako ang lumalabas na masama eh siya 'tong isip- bata at mahina umintindi dahil narin sa kakulangan sa ekspiryensya?

bakit kaya ganon?

kailan kaya niya maiintindihan ang lahat?

at paano niya maiintindihan kung hindi naman ako hinaharap para kausapin?

bakit kaya kung sino pa yung mga edukado at inaasahan mong makakaintindi eh sila pa tong mga timang umasta?

haha

ang hilig magtanong ano?

bakit hindi mo tanungin sarili mo kung nasa tamang posisyon ka at kung kaya ba ng IQ mo or EQ mo na umintindi ng mga ganitong sitwasyon?

sana lang, pagdating ng komprontasyon eh hindi ka maubusan ng sasabihin sakin, tulad ng walang katapusan mong pasaring sa blogosphere.. duwag.. too pussy to fight me..

kita mo, hindi yan titigil..haha at hindi naman ako papatol pa. dahil kung tutuusin, at kung makikinig lamang sya sa mga reliable pagtanungan at hingan ng payo, eh lalabas lang syang immature na neneng walang magawa sa buhay, palibhasa mababaw.

tutuldukan ko na to sa entry na to. bahala ka mang-harass. kaya ka kinakarma eh.

atleast ako, i'm stronger now, cliche as it may sound- but it's always true.

"even if i' m down on the floor and you kick me, i'll keep on getting up.."
-----------------------------------

a friend once said; "if they're the gum and you're the shoe, why are they walking over you?"
sabi ko naman; "atleast i'm not the one chewed on and spat out.."

if there's someone i hate it would be..

2008-02-28T11:16:00.001+08:00

two of which i thought are great friends.

kapag isa sa mga kaibigan mo ay nabadtrip dahil sa magulo ang isip, wala sa mood, mabigat ang loob, magagalit ka ba sa kaibigan mong yun? hahaha it's reeeaalllyy stupid kung galit pa ang reaksyon mo dba? everybody {who has an average IQ} knows that it's either you comfort your friend, you back off or you simply say sorry.. but those two? sila pa nagalit. i guess they're not worth my time. similar situations like this happenned before. Pag badtrip sila it's automatic that i apologize or let them cool down on their own, hindi yung ako pa magagalit. geeze! Thank god college is over. there's no reason for me to stick with them anymore. Thanks to jha and franz. gumaan pakiramdam ko and i checked with them kung ako pa ba yung mali or what. it's not like i get pissed everytime we goof around. abusado na talaga. i burned a cd of songs i know they'd like, i brought food and booze. Ano pa ba gusto nila? No thank you's at all. Last money ko gagatasan pako. pano kung hindi natuloy si gilly pagsundo saken, pano ako uuwi sa laguna all the way from marikina. i was so f*cking pissed off!

oh well, i still have the best friends i'm gonna need. di ko kailangan ng mga kupal sa mundo. i think it's bcoz they feel i owe them so much kaya ganun sila. as jha said; "may mga tao talagang ganun, they think they're the boss.."

yay!

2008-02-27T10:51:00.000+08:00

baby uzuri' s with me na! she's so cute. when i openned the door of the van i caught her looking out the window, i called out to her and she looked a bit befuddled then she smiled!hehe i missed those chubby cheeks. i can't believe how much i missed her, humahagulgol talaga ako. hehe i love my baby to bits!

genpact update:

i received a card from genpact - sosyal. professional ha. It was a thank you card regarding the interview. It also says that they'll be in contact with me during the next two weeks. tagal ng job offer may pa. Pero as franz said, it's worth the wait naman kasi laki ng pay basta may experience. I opted to try out for other companies muna, for the sake of the 2months that i'll be waiting, to fill in lang for the idle dates. problem sa ACS is- midmarch pa mgsstart, and the pay? 14k INCLUSIVE of allowances etc. with or without experience. duh? no thanks. Yes i got in but it's no reason to celebrate kasi nga lugi, intoxicated lang ako pag nagkataon tapos liit ng sweldo. oh well, let's try apac. :)

happy tuhgethere...

2008-02-24T16:33:00.001+08:00

by the turtles enjoy!

i don't know why, but i turn giddy when i hear this song..may be it's bcoz- i relate to it. i wonder where i'm pulling from? haha

meet my didugpi!!

2008-02-24T07:47:00.000+08:00

this is an alien i adopted from facebook he/ she is sooo cute!

asawa

2008-02-16T19:07:00.004+08:00

I watched the play "asawa" yesterdayat CCP with Redh, Ethan and Russ. Russ is the current "lover" of redh and i'm just glad they're doing good. Russ is also the stage director for the play which i love oh so much! The plot is focused on a battered wife who takes a beating from his incapacitated husband on a regular basis. He also violates her womanhood by forcing her to have sex in ways she couldn't even imagine. The play starts with a very sensual and sensitive scene of "Alfred", the violent husband who limps & depends on his crutch which Lorna bought from her own money, touching his privates and moaning in perverse manner. While women from different households (who also suffers the same hard hand) scream for their dignity and pleas for their freedom from such impeccably abusive men. The drama boomed when "Lorna" awoke into dawn, muscle aches and bruises all consuming her, as she pushes herself to start the day with an attempt to escape but then "Alfred" got awaken and she falls back into his trap forcing herself to stay with the man she loves but abhors when he hits her. They began arguing even before sunrise and as the emotions grew stronger the brutal words turned into violence. The play ends with Lorna leaving Alfred for good, as Alfred lies on the floor, his crutch far from his reach, calling out to Lorna.

All in all hands down and hats off to Russ and to all the Dramatic Guild artists!

i hate that i love you...no more.

2008-02-07T08:06:00.000+08:00

as if it's not complicated enough, he had to push it...

i've been really understanding and forgiving for the past 2 years but let's face it, i' m only human and i get tired. i get tired of stagnant life. i get tired of human tendencies. i get tired of being stepped on. i get tired of being misunderstood. i get tired of being the bad guy when i' m not.. whew..

yesterday was a really tiring day. we went to redh's new apartment in marikina, then to windmill (wherein the food was really good and the place? the best!) then to trinoma. naiwan nalang kameng dalawa ni an dahil kinailangan na umuwi sa bulacan ni monet at si redh hindi pwede sumama dahil kikitain nia ang kanyang mudra. so nag- coffee nalng kame ni an sa krispy kreme dahil mas mura talaga iyon kaysa sa starbucks. tumambay kame saglit sa labas at tinangkang hanapin ni an ang kanyang ex saglit ngunit kami ay nabigo na siya ay maispatan. kaya nagpasya kame na kitain sandali ang dati niyang mga katrabaho sa east ave halos katapat lang ng gma network kapuso. dahil palalim na ang gabi nagyaya na akong umuwi dahil sa laguna pa ako uuwi. sinusunod ko lang ang utos sakin ni gilbert na sa laguna na umuwi kahit late na at kahit na may naiwan akong importanteng mga gamit sa pasig. 10:05pm lumarga na kame at naunang sumakay ng taxi si an, nakakatakot talaga sa edsa dahil sa mga nakapilang madudupang na mga taxi drivers at madilim pa sa gma kamuning station. salamat sa diyos at nakasakay ako ng bus na ortigas at nakarating ng starmall terminal ng 10:30pm. dahil late na nga, matagal nakapagpuno ng pasahero ang last trip na na van at 11:30pm na nakalarga. maayos na sana ang biyahe at todo dasal pako para sa safe trip nang biglang nagamoy sunog na goma at naiba ang tunog ng sasakyan. flat ang kanang gulong sa likod. stranded kami sa bicutan dis oras ng gabi (bale 12:30am something). hindi nakuha sa pagpapalit ng gulong dahil may ibang sira narin daw, dko lang alam kung ano at di ko na naitanong dahil busy ako kakapilit i-on ang cellphone kong empty na kung tutuusin. nagbabakasakaling may mahingan ng tulong at para maipaalam kay gilbert at aking whereabouts. asa pa akong masasaklolohan niya ako kaya ni hindi ko na tinangkang umasa pa talaga dahil malayo rin naman sya at dahil sa marami pang kadahilanan. walang pumarang bus na alabang kahit na pulis na ang pumapara kaya nagpasya ang mga kinauukulan na sumakay sa van na nakasakay sa tow truck (hindi lang tow as in naka-angkas ung van) at ibaba kame sa loob ng bicutan upang duon makasakay ng alabang na bus. buti nalang at may kasabay akong pasahero na same way din. mula alabang sumakay kame ng pacita na jeep, mula pacita pasalamat kaming may jeep pa- cabuyao. the whole time pinagdududahan pako imbis na mag-alala o damayan ako kahit sa text lang. asa pa talaga ako.

sa wakas nakauwi ako. nabasa ko na lamang ang ibang text ni an at gilbert ng ma-charge ko na ang phones kong walang kwenta pag talagang drained na. si an pala ay sinugod pa sa ospital dahil sa chest pains. stress daw ang dahilan. kahit dati nung gimik days pa nung college ganun na sya. minsan nanginginig ang mga kamay after magyosi at mag-kape. may baong white flower si monet at iyon ang pinapalanghap namen sa kanya. naaawa ako sa kanya dahil andami niya atang komplikasyon. magpapa 2d echo na sya (ulit ata). bawal na daw syang ma-stress sabi ng doktor. ang nakakabadtrip may hindi nakagets ng mga sinabi ni an. yun lang.

debug

2008-01-28T18:16:00.000+08:00

when your spy-ware is crappy expect that your computer will be swamped with uninvited guests, viruses that will eventually wear your computer's system and destroy your files. Whether you like it or not, you're gonna have to debug it, bring it to a technician, or resort to reformat..

my life is full of viruses and unwanted pop-up' s, but what really bugs me is the fact that they can either put an inviting facade and get on with their lives while slandering you in safe mode or attack you via emotional blackmail.

yes, it is in cowardice that they try to hide their real issues when they thought they could divert unwanted attention to someone else whom they've been pin-pointing their hard lucks to all along. we all have our shares of b*tching, fu*king up, screwing up, and whatnot, but what slanderers don't know is that they're just trying to segue in other's mishaps just so they can blame their personal issues to someone else. then if they finally convince others- they gloat. they think they've won, they think they're right and they made a point. but truth is, that's just what they want themselves to believe. honey, you're in no position to do what you're doing. it's sad how you are. I pity YOU.

-------------------------------------------

it's funny, there are actually people who think they know better. it's like lecturing a doctor about a heart transplant when you haven't even started college. In life we have to admit that we don't know things all too well, especially if we haven't even gone through it yet, or we haven't experienced something yet. It's foolish and obnoxious for even the thought of it to exist. i am embarrassed for those kinds of people. i really am. but on the other hand, it's just sad they exist.

i'm not a bum, i'm a mom.

2008-01-24T19:04:00.000+08:00

it' so fucking frustrating!

it's official. I can't leave my baby/ Not even with my mom. Don't get me wrong, i trust her much. It's just that she has too much on her plate right now, i don't think she'd be able to handle uzuri. Even if i'm waiting for the nanny to arrive, there's no way i'll leave my baby alone with someone i don't know.

Yes, i just signed a contract with Telus (now, i'm revealing the company name), and no matter how fresh the ink of my signature is (i bet if you pressed your finger on it the ink would smudge or rub- off on you) i have to file my resignation. I already called my trainor about it, she advised me to send a resignation letter to the HR as it goes that way. So, why the sudden decision? I wasn't able to come in last night, seems like a bloodbath is about to happen here at home so even if i'm allowed to have one absence doesn't mean i'm good to go.

Last night though, before i started my "desperate housewives" marathon, i realized i already have a job. Well, it's not just some job, it's a career! A lifetime career with no monetary compensation, only heart- warming fulfillment. With everyone busy manning the kubo store my mom bought, nobody's gonna be able to take care of my baby as well as i can. Nobody can really replace a mother's touch. Not even somebody else's mother.

Of course, the time will come when I have to opt for sacrifice. It's not practical if only one parent works to provide. We have so much to save for, we can't live like this forever. As much as some people would hate it, and probably won't understand in a million years, we're gonna have to move out and move in together in our own HOME.

SOON.

zealot

2008-01-21T17:55:00.000+08:00

jealous is the heart of what once was precious
chemical reactions fabricate the mind
lush lips..

symmetry of nothingness
there's none at all.
inexistent
faux pax flies to see
visions of a nobody.

unkind word.
slanders heard.
an unseen depiction.
androgeny.

atrocity.
your pseudonym.
consternation.
your life.
bow to the groves
burn the bars.

praise the queens!

ban the stars!

to know no parameters

to see what is not there

secrecy of the famed

conspiracy of the shamed

little prince
lost in the sahara
cover your eyes
face no guilt

come back to your mothership.

slit the wrist of innocence
char the whims of frenzied nips
succumb to the highest.
own your chartered seas.

-----------------------------------------

*unicorns and mystics*

human eyes foresee duds.

human eyes don't see.

unicorns and mystical beings

hobbits don't exist.

yet they seize to harm.

they start battles unwon.

bloodbath of the young.

infatuated fairy

sings to the noble beast

yearning yet so dreary

it's the seas of neptune's fleet.

flying to the night sky

the earth so humbled plea

sparkle yet so sparkling

dust all over me.

a melancholy farewell

seen not once in a summer's skies

but lives within a maiden's heart

in weary dreamy lies.

dreaming vague yet clearly

the mumbling of a tree.

of unicorns and me...

taken away by magic

my unicorn and me.

jobberwocky & atchie's-capade

2008-01-19T19:41:00.000+08:00

No, this is not about verbal inventiveness inspired by Lewis Carroll's jabberwocky, this is about a new job I'm in. It's not actually new since I've worked there but in a different site and under a different account. I'm not going to divulge the company name, however, I'm a bit worried that it's going to be intoxicating (it's a call center to clue you in). I just signed the contract yesterday (jan. 17th) the pay is still the same but the referral commission was raised to a whopping 6k and I asked Rome (a friend who works there) to split the commission with me. haha I'm just really excited about it, well not so much. I'm crossing my fingers that it wouldn't be that stressful. Customer service is always tiring for the complaints are endless. Face it people, not one system is perfect, deal with it!

So far, I feel freed from something. It's liberating. I feel like myself again, with a job and all. I'm just not used to depending on other people for my needs. I'm just giddy about being able to earn on my own again and this time and save. It's time to apply what I've learned from francisco Colayco's book (Wealth within your reach!). hehe Now that I have a daughter, they'll deduct less tax. yey!

I am sorry for a lot of things. I am only human. Flesh and blood, i make mistakes..hehe (isn't that a song? uh-huh)

888888888888888888888888888888888888888

i missed hanging out with zoraya. it was really fun coz i got to meet new friends whom i can relate to more. April morning skies was there, of course, if chicosci is playing, expect they'd be there too. Rome was there too, i missed that gothic- lookin' chick hehe Surprise surprise! Ian was there too, he helped me look for meds (antacids) becoz i had the worst hyperacidity attack to date! it was stupid of me to forget my dinner..tsk.tsk. I just found out he leads the vox for maple syrup. hmm good for him. he asked me if i was happy.. without pauses, i said "yes!".. adverse reaction. it was sincere.. Then i remembered my tummy with its monster pain, and i never even paid attention to what was goin on. A few minutes back, we were still inside the air-conditioned part of the bar when a guy put his arms on my shoulder and i thought it was rai nudging me, apparently it wasn't her coz she asked me if i knew the guy who did. Yes, a guy! A semi- kalbo feeler. Twasn't long til he came back and decided to stare at our direction. Rai whispered to warn me that the maniac was right behind/ beside us and asked me if i wanted to go out. Without a hint of hesitation, i stood up and got out. Rai & i had to split so the next thing i knew she walked of the bar again and told me that the maniac was rubbing his knee on her leg. Jec (rai's boyfriend) got a bit carried away by the insult and hurried inside to make the maniac pay but we called out to everyone we knew to stop the racket. So while chicosci (i think) was playing we had our own riot outside. Poor maniac was high, i'm not exactly sure what he's on but he really irked us all. hayun. sorry-ng- sorry ang gago... After the confrontation i was back to the pit of my own agony. Hyperacidity. I abhore you. haha

quiapo

2008-01-10T19:58:00.000+08:00

Today marks the death of enthusiasts who surged through the crowd and fought a stampede battle only to have their towels/ hankies wiped on the icon- The Black Nazarene. Many believe the life-sized wooden statue, brought by Spanish missionaries from Mexico in 1606, holds mystical powers that can cure illnesses or wash away sins. The ship caught fire and the image was burned but survived as a testament to a unique brand of Catholicism that combines folk superstitions in Asia's most populous Christian nation.

Devotees die for what they believe in. People need something to believe in, otherwise we'll all be w/o a backbone. They come every year with prayers, hopes, and faith not just in God alone but with the vague truth of miracles at hand. There are those who come with their own godliness. Claiming they can cure or heal like Jesus Christ, with their followers in maroon or with their own uniforms trailing along.

Policemen and several ambulances were on standby to ensure the safety of the devotees. Around 12:30 p.m., the Black Nazarene was brought out of the church for the parade. Thus, the waves of human flesh began rushing towards the image.

I never joined the procession, but i know i can try and be a good catholic without pushing myself (literally) into a dangerous swarm.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

in other kerengkeng news..

i miss crush ahehehehe icebreaker to sa seriousness ng nasa taas. haha Pero syempre mas miss ko si penguin.. boohoohoo ;(

Metaphors & secrets...

2008-01-09T19:31:00.000+08:00

i c-a-n'-t blog about "IT". But i reeaaally have to let this out. Let "IT" out..

Last 2006 (i think), my bestfriend' s sister read my fate thru tarot cards. I'm a skeptic, but i am open for endless possibilities as the world is known to offer this kind of thing. She told me that someday I'll be bothered by someone (meaning; okay, however you take it nalang. i wont say the manner). I asked about clues like- "what does he look like?" or "when will this happen?", all she said was that the guy is dark- skinned or more like moreno. Years went by as i unintentionally forgot about the fortune telling thing and now i think it's somehow beginning to mock a satire version of it. I'm just weirded out and confused with his actions lately. He seems interested. I know, i sound like a conceited b*tch but i'm just wondering why all this time, all of a sudden, he acts this way? Am i trying to play safe too much? i have to! haha I don't want to ruin a major deal, a budding friendship or somebody else's... hmm I guess I'll just be hanging w/o answers.. ergh

My current situation is complicated, but as my friends know, i contort when & where i need to. I face challenges as i should, I have fun coz i deserve to.. But above all, i consider myself lucky. i know people (friends) who've been to hell and back or are having trips to hell every now and then, and comes back to redeem themselves after they share their escapades and travails. Heavier loads people... Heavier loads.. They exist beyond our own hells.. Just look on the silver lining of them dark clouds. (or read other cliches that more often than never, works!)

away- away

2008-01-06T17:19:00.000+08:00

Negativity tends to rub- off on everybody but it's up to the person if he/ she will let the outside forces in.. in other words- kung dika kasali wag kang umepal..

Lahat ng taong kilala ko alam na hindi dapat pinapakialaman ang away- mag- asawa. Kahit nga away ng mga mag-syota back- off ang barkada eh, dba? Pero sa tanang buhay ko, ngayon lang ako nakaranas ng ganun.. Anyway, it doesn't matter. Atleast may natitira paring mga marurunong makiramdam. Mahirap kasi kapag maraming immature or irrational na tao ang nakapaligid syo. Hindi nakakatuwa. Pero sabi nga- Magparaya ang mas nakakaintindi.. or as someone said;

"a truly wise person is someone who can pretend to be a fool in front of a fool who pretends to be wise.."

ayun. sapul.

Sa dami ng naranasan ko diko na kailangan pang isalaysay lahat dahil kulang ang lifetime na to para ilahad ko ang mga bagay na alam ko. Besides, i'm not a show- off.

***********************

On lighter news, penguin and I went to Lamesa Ecopark today(at last) . We brought our litol angel along. Masarap talaga mag-exercise dun. It's an escape- hatch from a chaotic living. Next time we'll play paint ball. Tagal ko na gusto i-try yun. I was still with my 1st boyfriend in college when i decided i'll celebrate one of my birthdays there. But i guess i'll be able to celebrate it with my current hubby.

crashing.

2008-01-05T18:15:00.000+08:00

Seriously. I am crushing on someone. He's close but not too close. He's a friend but he's not actually MY friend. It's not cheating coz i'm not involved with him or anything so it's nothing. We talked for an hour (i think). Daldal nya grabe hehe wala lang nakakatuwa lang. Casual na usap lang hindi landian (mind you). I'm gonna see if i can refer him to someone i know. hehe Ewan bakit ko sya crush. Siguro may bahid kasi sya ng pagka- bad boy, i used to be a sucker for bad boys kase. ehehehe

doing the 180.

2008-01-03T13:33:00.000+08:00

Uzuri and i celebrated our new year here at penguin's parent's house. It's fun kasi it's our first new year together and we welcomed year 2008 with a baby of our own. My new year usually consists of grandiose fireworks and ginormous displays of lights, but this time my new year skies were filled of other's expensive fireworks. I'm not a big fan of firecrackers, i hate the scary, booming sound of it reverberating all over the place. It's as loud as it is dangerous not just to the phalanges of the pyromaniacs but also to the lungs of other people. Because yes, it produces smoke and malodorous fumes which are irritating and hazardous to our health. Imagine, people all over the country are lighting these babies and inhaling (unintentionally) the smoke after the miraculous escape from being blasted on possibly every part of their body. Even the papers speak about the firecrackers frenzy and how Pinoys are so drawn to it. So what's the deal with people flocking on gun powder- filled paper which, mind you, are not guaranteed safe though they have wicks of flares? It's not New Year without it. As i said, i'm no fan of blasters but heck it's part of the holidays. Just be safe.

*******************

THANK YOU'S:

sa mga nagpapasko kahit matanda nako
sa mga nagpapasko sa baby ko
sa mga nagluto ng chibog nung christmas
sa mga nagluto ng chibog nung new year
sa turkey na once a year ko lang matikman
sa kalabasa flan na malinamnam
sa halayang halo ni gilbert
sa ham na inuubos hanggang ngayon
sa mga pumunta kagabi
sa mga nagplanong makipagkita (matutuloy pa ba?)
sa mga nagtext para bumati ng nmerry christmas at happy new year
sa mga nagma- mass text messaging kahit na hindi naka- unlimited
sa lahat!

********************

My friends are planning a get- together after the holiday buzz but i don't know if i'm gonna come. hehe Nagtampo daw ba? Oo nakakatampo parin kaya bahala silang magplano. Siguro pupunta ako pag tuloy na atleast hindi ako mang- i- injan! oh well, aabangan ko nalang. May utang silang regalo sa anak ko! hmpf!

and so it goes

2007-12-28T13:45:00.000+08:00

if only people can see the realness of what they are, how cruel they act and how righteous they can be. if only they are wary of their actions and treatment of others. if only they can see that they are whom they hate. if only they are vigilant of other's feelings and are considerate of their fellowmen's existence. *sigh Then, there could possibly be peace..

i post as a sentry to those who are like me. we go unnoticed but we don't hunger for attention (though some fools believe otherwise), we are the wariest. we don't claim that we're perfect, for not a single human being is but we feast on the fact that we are awake.

----------------------------------------

I hold grudge as i am not perfect but i am capable of letting go of what ires me or annoys the tips of my nerves. Hence, this blog was born. hehe I was telling wilson & gelo how i am indignated by those who think they are superior when they get a hold of a little pleasure in life. I'm talking about those who act foolish when they a new ipod nano, laptop or desktop, gadgets and the likes. Honestly, i am not a materialist but i enjoy thing-a-majigs every now & then. Nakakatuwa eh. But as i have keenly observed, there are those, how you say, "feeling!" whom are just too much to bare. First, they act as if they've owned thethingamajig for so long & try to act non- chalant about it. Second, they flaunt it too much they tend to look like assholes. Third, they try to act as if it's ok to lend it. Fourth, they get easily infuriated when it's not back in their hands the moment they demand for it to be returned. Lastly, (i wish) they wont admit the mentioned above.

Are you one of them?

Then learn.. or burn in hell.

hehehehe

--------------------------------

Nakakapagsalita ako ng ganito dahil sa bawat paggising ko dumadaan ako sa isang proseso na tinatawag na "reality check". Kung talagang gusto mong maging mas mabuting tao (hindi yung nagmamalinis o nagmamabuti lang) gagawin mo lahat at sisikapin mong sa bawat kilos at pananalita mo, ikaw ay totoo. Higit sa lahat makatao. Hindi kailangan maging perpekto at kahit kailan walang sinuman ang magiging perpekto, ngunit mas mainam ang pagiging natural sa lahat ng bagay lalo na sa pagtrato sa kapwa. Sugpuin and favoritism, ignorance, egotism, etc.

-------------------------------

bookera:

nabasa ko na mga libro ni bob ong, jessica zafra, etc. ano pa kayang maganda at profound na libro?

da dadah duhn da duhn..

2007-12-26T19:05:00.000+08:00

i have a dvd of spring waltz w/c i bought last year. na- curious kasi ako kung ano meron sa koreanovelas.. in short, chumismis ako hehe. anyway, sabi ng vendor maganda daw yun. Syempre kahit ako ang vendor kahit di ko pa napapanuod sasabihin kong maganda yun. hehe so ayun nga binili ko sa st. francis square..hehe quiet lang kay edu.. pero i swear yun lang binili kong fake na dvd, the rest downloads or hiram (defensive? hehe). I remember franz testifying how good it was. Naiyak daw sya nung huli to think she's close to being non- reactive. hahaha Ngayon nasa ABS- CBN na ang Spring Waltz. Kung ayaw mo ng tagalized version heto puntahan mo --> MySoJu. It has complete episodes and you can choose from korean, japanese, taiwanese, etc.

Krismas kamalasan's update:
yes, may nadagdag nga as expected. pumalpak ang cheesecake ko. Malambot sya at hindi nag- set. i followed the usual recipe. i can't figure out where i went wrong coz the recipe is tested already. Masarap parin sya pero hindi sya tumigas. errgh!!! Pero in fairness nakadaan pa si franz dito sa bahay para i- abot ang gift ni sofia. Pero sina CIndy, ano pa nga ba?

tomorrow is our clan's christmas party. we have it every year and christmas wont be christmas w/o it. I'm sad coz gilbert can't come. It's hard when he's not around, aside from the fact that i miss him mahirap magdala ng baby mag- isa. Mahirap magbuhat ng mga gamit habang buhat mo rin ang anak mo. haaaay i'm not mad at him. hindi naman niya fault na hindi sya makaalis from Bataan. talk about series of unfortunate events.. I used to read the books (by lemony snicket) but now it's like i'm living my own SUE. hrrmmn.

yea, yea.. merry christmas.. wtf?

2007-12-26T08:32:00.000+08:00

as if my christmas can't get any more fcked up...

i only have my 2 bestfriends left to count on to make my christmas "merry", but guess what? They can't make it. Franz said she has a sudden tummy ache and she has to go to makati med., while cindy (together w/ her hubby jeff and babies reeve and sean)-- well, i doubt they'd be able to come!

so it's official. My christmas is not merry. Not at all!

so far here are my christmas kamalasan's;

* wasn't able to cook noche buena due to some simangot-ation
* penguin broke his super bad news (worste news actually) that he wont be able to come with at our clan's christmas party (w/c is a big deal bcoz it's our first christmas w/ o papa)
* absence of my bestfriends & inaanak's
* ever so postponed (better yet, cancelled) "barkada reunion"
* cut myself w/ a knife by accident
* unprecedented sleep

Here goes my krismas kamalasan's (I have this feeling that there'll be additions to the list.. hmmmn).

You can share yours if you have them too. hehe

new era

2007-12-25T10:27:00.001+08:00

heto na naman ang bagong siglo. paparating na muli ang isa pang batch ng 365 araw ng pagasa. bagong taon. bagong pagkakataon. uso na naman ang "new year's resolution/ s" (na natutupad naman kaya?), mga bilugang mga bagay (tulad ng polka dots at ang bagong implants ni controversial sexy star), i-a- apply muli ang mga natutunang feng shui para sa pag- asam na lalapit o kakapit ang swerte ngayong dadating na 2008, at syempre, mawawala ba talaga ang mga paputok, legal o ilegal?

Ngayong dadating na taon, madaling sabihin kung ano ang mga dapat baguhin, ngunit alin kaya sa mga ito ang sa wakas ay mababago na? Sabi nga, ang pagbabago ay naguumpisa sarili. Ngunit ayon sa mga naging karanasan ko sa buhay, ang pagbabago ng sarili o sa sarili ay hindi garantiyang magbabago din ang mga tao sa paligid mo. Dahil kung talagang matigas sila (o alipin ng pride) eh wala na sayo ang bastardong problema.

Totoong hindi lang tuwing sasapit na ang bagong taon ay duon lamang natin maaalala ang mga dapat baguhin. Sa sarili kong opinyon, hindi na nagma- matter ang new year's resolution kung hindi mo rin naman malalagyan ng check ang mga nakalista dito. Ang pagsusulat ng isang bagay sa papel ay nakakatulong sa pagtutuloy o pagpapatotoo ng mga gusto mong gawin, bilhin o baguhin. Ang mga goals ay naisasakatuparan at ang mga tagumpay ay nakakamit. Pero ang pagsusulat ay step 1 pa lamang dahil ang step 2 ay ang pisikal na aspeto nito.

promot.

2007-12-23T22:27:00.000+08:00

kailangan ko ang inyong suporta. hehe :)

oh the madness

2007-12-16T22:42:00.000+08:00

i discovered these funnies today.. check them out. :)

mahilig ako dito.

gets ko na (ata?)

good thing i never dated a player

for men only

way to tip a child murderer hehe

hehehehehehe

mind blowing dba?

sabog

that must hurt

okay. time yo sleep! :)

carpooling thoughts

2007-12-16T20:26:00.000+08:00

hmmm

andaming nakakamiss gawin.. hindi ko namimiss ang mga yun dahil may anak nako.. namimiss ko ang mga yun dahil hindi ko nalang talaga sila nagagawa.

tulad ng:

♥ biglaang lakad
♥ kakaibang food trip
♥ diverse na trip
♥ emo- han kung san
♥ poetry writing
♥ magpacute
♥ mga taong may maraming oras {a.k.a bum/s}
♥ star gazing
♥ night life
♥ makalibre ng ganj. hehe joke (nga ba?)

marami talaga. kahit mga hate- days ko nung hiskul nakakamiss. wala seryoso na buhay ko. feeling ko kasi required. siguro nag- cave in narin ako sa conformity. pero hindi naman extreme ito. so far i can say din na hindi rin harmful. kunsabagay, ang pagiging unique ay hindi nababase sa pagsasabi nito ng paulit- ulit. nasa pagiging totoo sa sarili at nasa pag- tanggap ito ng mga isyu at imperfections ng isang tao. ang pagiging non- conformist ay contradicting rin tutuusin lalo na kung di mo gaano kakilala ang iyong sarili, dahil maraming nag-c- claim na non- conformist sila, ngunit ginagawa, sinasabi at iniisip naman nila ang mga ginagawa, mga sinasabi at mga iniisip ng iba. basta ikaw ay ikaw. solb na. be yourself! walang mali o masama kung may mga bagay kang aayusin o babaguhin sa sarili mo lalo na kung ikagaganda ito ng buhay mo o ng pakikisama mo sa iba. realization lamang ito. hindi suggestion. :)

ayan na naman ha. cge.. bottoms up..

2007-12-16T11:35:00.000+08:00

hmmm confusing parin... basta ang importante nga pala hindi ako yung plastik. yeah!! hehe

yey! whoo- ray!

2007-12-15T18:01:00.000+08:00

sa wakas nagawa na ang computer. it's hard pag wala to hehe

time to rant!

the day is tiring. it felt so long, i haven't finished burrowing through the newpaper's pages. i've been scouting for accessories/ jewelry designs. i have my own na actually but it's not that easy to put it together since i lack the budget. oh well, magkakaron din ako nun. it's a good omen na maraming nagv-view ng site ko (http://sugarrocket.multiply.com) though i haven't really uploaded my stuff. visit it guys okay :)

i wrapped the christmas gifts na yesterday. i love wrapping presents! it's therapeutic. hmmmn it's sad coz i wont be able to give gifts the way i used to. mga inaanak's ko nalang ang mabibigyan ko this year. malamang i'm gonna need to sponge- off other people muna.. aargh this sucks. tama na. ayoko na isipin masyado. ayoko na i- anticipate ang pagka- gloomy ng thought na yun.

ahahay.

someone from DAYS HOTEL (batangas) called my mom up to inform her that she's entitled to a free accomodation for 2 days & 2 nights. kasama ang spa dun and we are loving the thought provided hindi scam yun or what. the person said that someone enlisted my dad's name on a referral slip or what and there was a raffle that took place and my dad's name was drawn. iniisip namen baka may promotion or what. yun tipong pag nag- stay ka dun eh may seminar ka na kailangan attenan (you need to attend to). hehe tomorrow ang confirmation if it's the real deal. syempre kailangan na mag- ingat. sana totoo. kase i need the break. i need a round of R & R.. since wala na si papa pwede daw i- arrange yun para iba ang makagamit. 2 adults & 2 kids daw ang kasama. sana pwedeng 4 adults nalang para si mama, ako, si gilbert & si don2 makasama.. hmmm

yehey din for my new skin. yehey! ang kyut.. i like... very me.. hehe

alone on a wednesday

2007-12-13T09:36:00.000+08:00

i did everything there is to do around the house. i'm still bored. but so are the dustmites with nothing to pester now. haha

cindy and i are planning to host a garage sale/ ukay. i sorted out my stuff to sell. i need to get rid of clutter and turn them into money. if i were to sell all i would accumulate about 1k yeee! will do it this week. :)

nga pala, i loved the food at TEMPURA along retiro. we ate there yesterday it's a cheaper version of teriyaki boy. they have innovative dishes. i especially loved the catterpillar maki roll. it's filled with cream cheese, crabstick and mango, and cooked tuna, rolled inside sticky rice with a helping of sesame seeds. yum!!! we pigged out on mixed maki, mixed sushi and mixed sashimi too. i've been craving for sashimi for 2 weeks then so i just have to beg for it. hehe sarap talaga..solb!

i need to have my ribs checked. on the right side of my rib cage, below the solar plexus, i felt a lump so weird i get paranoid everytime i remember i have it. ooh..what's happening to me? errgh.

haay

2007-12-03T17:08:00.000+08:00

until sunday.. it never really came. but then again he was able to come last saturday night and we got up sunday morning (the earliest by the way). he had to go to work kase required daw. i have no problems with his work naman, kaso i just need to know that he's doing whatever he can for our plans to push- through. i'm hoping for better days. it will come, i know. salamat naman at nakakita ako ng effort. i'd rather have him check out other girls than leave me hanging w/ nothing. for me kc, kung publing ang guy alam ko na ang move na gagawen coz i've been there, i've had (not naman a series but) some experiences regarding cheaters. so in short na-master ko na ang trick. kasi pagdating sa lack of effort eh naku, medyo novice ako dahil complicated talaga pag walang effort. you're not the one who's gonna move for the person. kusa nga kase and mahirap magsalta or mag- suggest coz then it'd seem like you're dictating him. pero you can't leave him clueless coz hindi nga naman sila manghuhula to know what you have in mind. at syempre, hirap na nga sila intindihan ang takbo ng isip ng babae papahulain mo pa, dba? hehe

i want to go shopping.. for gifts and for personal things.. his time i can't.. not because i have a baby now, but because i don't have moolah for it. yes, there's a big diff. *sigh

2nd

2007-12-01T18:55:00.000+08:00

as it turns out he's still on the verge of trying to work on "us". siyempre, what more can i do but cave in? i really can't leave him, coz i simply can't live w/o him. BASTARD. haha

i'm dying to go to that el pueblo concert, i thought i'm gonna be able to go this time since i went AWOL last year, but oh well, there are more important things than that concert. besides there'll be other concerts to go to.. and yes, as risky as it is for me, i'm still gonna crash at april morning skies' gigs. i'm beginning to fall for their music plus ambait nila. well actually si tim and kenneth lang ang nakilala ko talaga, tanguan lang sina andrew eh. i doubt they could still remember me. si tim siguro pwede pa. he's the one with the long dreads and glasses. hehe we went to his house after the mayric's thing, the one which chicosci produced. ayun naglaro lang kame ng cards with scott na crush na crush nuon si rome. hehe ok i need to stop talking now.. hehe kase sikreeet... hehehe

we'll have the whole sunday all to ourselves. sana masulit na talaga namen un coz it's the only one we've got & we'll have so far. we weren't together na nga last 28th, eh 3 years pa naman kame nun. it's just a big thing for me. i guess sakanya rin, mas obvious lang talaga sakin. hehe let's see what'll happen on sunday. i miss him. that's that.

2007-12-01T09:29:00.000+08:00

i hate stupid chances

i hate how he treats me.. kahit sabihin ko ng paulit- ulit na di nako masaya parang walang epekto sakanya.. kahit sabihin kong depressed nako wala paring impact.. sasabihin nya di daw nya alam pano ako i-comfort.sasabihin ko kung pano. pero wala parin syang gagawin. sabay babanatan ako ng hirit; "bakit kasi hinsi mo subukang magpakamanhid minsan?" TAMA BA UN!!!???

ilang beses ko na tinangkang iwan sya at swerte ako dahil may handang sumalo sakin. ngayong may anak na kame, hindi ko na kayang pumili ng iba. hindi ko na kayang magmahal ng iba tulad ng pagmamahal ko sa kanya.. gusto ko nalang sumaya. kahit magisa. kung sabagay, matagal ko na ramdam na mag-isa lang ako. pero kahit ilang ulit ko parin sabihin sakanya to, (ano pa nga ba?) - bailiwala parin..

the weirdest most ironic part?? mahal daw niya ko! woooh! gano kalabo? meron palng ganun kalabong bagay..

2007-11-30T15:47:00.000+08:00

intertwined madness

i look into your eyes and i can't see anything
i'm not the one who's blind
i'm just hoping to find
those wilting fears
coming back in years
of intrusion
confusion
swirling out and about
my tower of doom

in my heart
used to lie gentle tears
raptured face
hand me my beer

two bottles away from being sane
one pinch closer to reality

a long lost altered ego
desire to win this game
all i want is to long for you
but long for you is all i do

so bring in the circus clowns
cross your fingers so i will drown
in pain of tears
and in tears of pain

i will bash no more
i can't care anymore
i'm losing my electric pop
i need to climb back up

with you i have no me
my soul is far off from being happy
i know myself no more
a mirror masks a whore

what should i be giddy about today?

2007-11-29T16:01:00.000+08:00

huh? when i'm suppose to be cuddling with someone i loved for three whole years.

yes. it's our 3rd year anniversary today {november 28th, 2007}, and where am i? at home. yes, not with him! it just sucks that he can't come for me. i don't rant because of his work, it's one of those given things, you know, those things which aren't supposed to be the wicker of a fight. but here i am, hurting. i feel so bad. i mean if you really want something to push through you'll be overly excited about it you wont let any-effing-thing get in the way of whatsoever! *sigh* i guess we're just too different.. someone once said; "if you feel like giving up, think of the reason why you held on so long.." but what if everything just added up so fast you can't force yourself to be sincerely happy anymore? i mean, it's not the first time i was left at the bottom of his list. i'm just getting fed up. enough already. is it so selfish you should be burned in hell? my consistent answer would be- no.

i had my haircut today. it's my alcohol alternative these days. a pick-me-upper at the very least. i'm still planning on getting wasted with zoraya. i need to be in my comfort zone. haven't been for the past 2 years.. i son't understand why i'm not piggin out lately, it just surprises me a lot. i'm so saaaaad.

tara, let's eat!

2007-11-13T20:44:00.000+08:00

i've had a bite to eat at tomatokick at lunch. at last! after my job interview gilbert and i drove to maginhawa st., teachers village to finally try the specialty of the thesis-turned-into-business resto. i ordered smoked t- bone chipotle. hehe dylan of the peep show tried the dish too, kaya medyo i got tempted to try it narin hehe. while gilbert ordered the pork w/salsa. parng porkchop xa na may seasoning at napaka- crispy. if i am to rate the food, 5 stars being the highest, i'd give it 4 stars, because it's a real treat to the stomach and i got really full! to think i didn't order an extra cup of rice. parking is 3 stars since may iba pang establishments sa commercial building na un, the comfort room is 2, since it's shared, the service is 3 stars, why? for the waiting time since the food is cooked as ordered, though the people are nice. total of 3.5 stars.. *sigh

all in all it was actually a nice experience, not too shabby but the food itself was excellent! it made my day, only there is something that's haunting me til now.. but let me warn you, there are graphical's posted below so it's up to you if you still want to continue [if you have the guts for it]. i hope there could be something done to stop this practice in history. it's just too inhumane. check this out..

in china, there are women opting to abort their baby girls hoping to conceive a baby boy. they sell the aborted babies for 2,000 Reminbi. i've read that the hospital may have been involved in this despicable stomach- churning practice.

in the picture below, the poor fetus is being cleansed as part of the preparation.

Then, the cutting of the entrail, intestines and internal organs of the baby begins.

And voila! the disgusting soup is done {boiled}.

if you look closely, you'll actually see the baby's face.

i wonder- how cruel can these mad sadists get? i have a five- month old baby girl, i know the cultural difference has a lot to do with it, but come on, what kind of mother does this? in the chinese culture, it is known that the first- born son is essential to the family especially to the father but why kill innocent baby girls? first, they kill the helpless being and then they cook it, serve it to crazier people and make money out of it! pinatay na nga, kinain pa! it's a disgrace.. they say eating the delicacy will act as an aphrodisiac and promote longetivity, but does it have to come to this extent? there are other alternatives people! balut is one but since it's an acquired taste there are lots of choices that will suit your pallate. you can conduct your own research, that's what google is for!

soap and water

2007-11-11T22:03:00.000+08:00

sometimes when you're nearing depression, all you need is a long bath and a coffee face scrub..

it's very therapeutic. i almost forgot how it feels to spoil yourself with generous amounts of lather!hehe during my freshman year i have a dresser full of vanity paraphernalias, complete from head to foot. i had a footscrub, foot spray (peppermint scent), foot lotion, body lotion, hand lotion, deo, body scrub, whitening body scrub, strawberry-scented body scrub, depilatory cream, shaving cream, whitening cream (face), facial wash, facial scrub, acne mask, seaweed mask, (whew!) and so on... the list just goes on and on.. in short, i have the basics plus the extras! hehe it was lunatic. i had to stop because in the long run it got tiring and too routinary (and really expensive!) for me. but all in all it was a real treat.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

cindy texted me but i just read the message after 5 hours. i'm a bit worried coz she was looking for a place to stay for a couple of days. she said she's only going to bring reeve, her eldest son, along. what about Sean? i thought. til now she's not replying...hmm

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

i've been fickle lately, and my temper is growing short as ever. i don't understand why. but i will, soon. i have too. it's not like me to misinterpret my emotions, i've always been sure. i'm really racking my brains out now that i can't point my finger on it. i almost have the job i want, i should be happy. normally i am. i just don't get why i'm so angry. i feel bad about it. i am sorry for those who got affected. i'm human. please excuse me. *sigh*

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

i need to wash off negative vibes. it's rubbing off on the people i get close to! it's contageous! i wish i can rinse it off with soap and water. if only it were that easy..

words are swords

2007-11-10T21:36:00.000+08:00

*acknowledge the new skin first..hehe*

It is only when in throwing mud at people that i find myself in a writing mode. I do not wish to retract whatever it is published here for those words don't belong to me anymore. They are now literal possessions of the cyber-livion space.

I should be making money out of what i do best and what i spend most of my time on, i always say.. so from this blog entry on, i renounce my personal ranting privilege to better, more productive blog entries (and hope for, let's say, a job in blog writing!)

okay, scratch that. i honestly can't live a day without ranting..

This morning, i was ransacking the newspaper searching for jessica zafra's column emotional weather report then i realized- it's a saturday. so, i just burrowed with what's left of the inky pages. "Be careful with words", according to Francis Kong. An article which caught my senses off- guard. here's a bite..

A businesswoman took her newborn to the pediatrician for his first checkup, the doctor said, "you have a cute baby."

Smiling, she said, "I'll bet you say that to all new parents."

"No," he replied, "just to those whose babies are really cute."

"So what do you say to the others?" she asked. The doctor said, "When i can't say you have a cute baby, i just say.. He looks just like you."

hehehe

*

I've had my fair share of slanders, and to tell you- it's no circus parade but it can be scandalous! It is a universal fact that one cannot control other people's minds, more so their mouthes! but though we have no joysticks for rocketing words of others, we have complete controls of our own. it's difficult when emotions creep in. we tend to cause social damage only with the use of tongues.

always, we have to be careful of words. being tactful of what we let out of our mouth is a virtue and that a major part of self-control is tongue-control. we must all remember that words are powerful. after all, "word" is just one letter away from "sword."

it rains when you least expect it.. you wanna drown but it's not enough.. nothing ever is.

2007-11-06T21:35:00.000+08:00

bwisit talaga. ang ganda ng gabi ko.. i have a major company exam tomorrow, 8am the earliest and an interview via telecon at 1:30pm, and i'm getting this? i'm so fed up man. here i am being scrutinized from day 1 and i get nothing from him whatsoever! i shouldn't be blamed for everything that goes wrong.. alam namang napaka- immature nung tao pero i doubt na maintindihan side ko.. para na kong inanimate object at basura. saying sorry after the grandiose damage doesn't really heal anything.. nasa kamay lang ng argabyado ang pagbabagong maganda, siya ung nagtutuldok sa masamang nakaraan. ung argabyado lang talaga ang gumagawa ng paraan magpatawad at makalimot sa sakit. especially if no change is gonna take place at all. why bother apologizing when you can't even stand for it? i hate it when he only see the minuscule part of the situation or issue. ako ung nagmumukang tanga! ako na nga masama loob ako pa masama ako pa mali ako pa ang lalabas na nag-iinarte! tangina! tao ako and i don't deserve this.. my life is put on hold and i've learned to accept that. di na nga ako makakilos coz i'm the one adjusting to the majority, nagkukusa na nga ako at hindi nagdadamot tapos ganun pa rin.. nakakabadtrip pa dahil makitid ang utak ng iba at kulang sa comprehension kaya ano, ako pa talaga. shit. tapos wala na ngang comfort magagalit pa sakin, ang kulit, ilang beses ko na ngang sinabi na hindi nagmamatter sakin kung sino tama. what matters is magawa or mangyari ung dapat or whatever's best for everyone. i'm so alone. pagtutulungan pa ko.. tapos ako pa lalabas na mali.. wow, people should look up the meaning of "reasonable".. so, my advice to those who's not shackled by the strings of stupidity, think again before you speak or better yet don't give chances to the undeserving! remember that you are in charge of your happiness, so use that power. don't mind those self- righteous fcuks when they say it's a selfish act, they're just envious that you can take control of your life and they can't. i used to say this to myself, it used to work for me, but then again my spirit died a long time ago. when i gave one chance too many..

still craving for a classic?

2007-11-03T20:36:00.000+08:00

KentuckyFriedCruelty.com

i generated this sign from the site. it's just *effing shocking how KFC could ignore such a thing. instantly i lost all delight in patronizing their products. i especially loved their gravy, but with a sadistic preparation like this, i don't think i'll be able to look at those finger-lickin'-good treats the same way again. killing & eating chicken (cows and pigs, etc) alone has no right way. we, as human beings just acquired these practices from our ancestors for survival so somehow we grew up thinking it is acceptable. i can't believe actual human beings perform such sadistic acts. it's mortifying.

check out the video.

highs and lows

2007-11-02T21:21:00.000+08:00

haay.. i am just plain tired of everything. yet it's too unfair for someone innocent to suffer the after-shock of frustrating imperfections.

penguin and i...we're on the rocks. it's difficult for me to admit that really but since i stand for realness and not for facades i say things as they are. heaven & hell, we are. all the protruding issues are just getting out of hand and the worst crap is i end up as the meanie or the bad guy. i hate it. so hopeless as i am i submit to that human weakness, i've been adamant about being judgmental. it's a sickness, a human tendency and it's infectious. but somehow some people fail to see its real meaning. they tend to do it consciously or unconsciously, sometimes out of taking sides or out of insecurities. no matter who or what you are, there's always gonna be that someone who feels less than you are and is irritated by you even if you do nothing to that person {because sometimes you don't even know that such person exists}. just remember to shrug it off, let it roll off your back. it isn't something to be weary about.

as of relationships. let's give a toast to those who are married for conjugal years and are sticking to each other no matter what. let's commend them for such hardwork. compensation has no monetary value but the fruit of their labor shows they deserve the utmost respect.

it's hard to presume things about other people. if you think about it, the same goes with presuming things about yourself. we don't know ourselves a hundred percent, so what's the deal with the ever annoying quest to critique people's personal lives and their personal relationships? it's funny, Isaac Asimov, a writer and chemist said ; "those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance of those of us who do" i totally agree with him w/o batting an eyelash! i'm not saying i know everything about anything, but come on, kung ingay ang produkto ng mga mapagmarunong nuissance sila sa buhay ng mga taong pinagmamarunungan nila. sana lang wag magmaganda dahil wala pa sa kalingkingan ng life experiences ko ang mga nangyari sa buhay mo at sa maliit mong mundo. oh well, walang taong perpekto.

ang pagbabago ay mahirap pero posible. personally, marami na kong nabago sa aking sarili at tunay kong mapagmamalaki ang mga 'yon. kaya nagtataka talaga ako kapag ang pangakong magbago or mag-improve for the better ay napaka-imposible para sa iba ngunit ang magbago in a negative way ay nagagawa in a snap. again, walang taong perpekto.

anyway, i know things will be better and okay between us, not just because it has to but because, as it always has - it will.. :)

naalala ko ang sinabi dati ng pari isang beses nung umatend ako ng misa - "sa dalawang indibidwal, kapag pinakialamanan mo na ang ugali magaaway at magaaway kayo.." at ngayon it has become handy to me. a tip in my pocket kumbaga. it doesn't suggest that you never change for your partner, it only tells you to be mindful of your controls. once you enter into a relationship, you enter into an intangible contract and you must know by heart your obligations and rights. understood na un. implied na that you have to adjust to your boyfriend or girlfriend, anyone who has experienced rocketting relationships can attest to this but only those who are mature enough can truly understand and live it. it's a reality. it's a challenge. it sucks. (but it works!)

hanggang ngayon, nabibilang parin sa paniniwala ko na ang langit mo ay siya ring impyerno mo.. kung sino ang nagpapaligaya syo siya rin ang nagdudulot ng depresyon sayo, at kung sino ang bumubuo syo, ay siya ring sumisira syo..

kaya habang petty palang ang pinag- jijinartihan nyo eh ienjoy nio na. dahil kapag kayong dalawa ang itinadhana, hala ka, maghanda ka na. you're in for a ride.. hehe

ispookey days

2007-11-01T21:25:00.000+08:00

usually i get all spooked up with the occasion, but this time i just miss my dad..

i'm not in my finest moods lately. i guess i'm growing tired of the set up. no, not the set up itself, maybe just with penguin.. he never failed to point out to my face the things i need to change about myself but whether he admits it or not he too needs to change a big part of himself. it's been unfair but i've learned to accept some things no matter how unorthodox they may be. i just wish [with all that's left of myself & my being] that he can finally stand committed to his words. back in college, i used to just go with the flow even if it's necessary that i demand something from him. things happened and some of it did us no good. it could've done us some 101's but i noticed he wasn't the type to acquire something good from something negative. i knew then i had to teach him how to extract the good juice from the bad fruit {i.e learn from the experience}. nobody's perfect so i was patient with him. but now over 2 years had passed us but sometimes i still have to convince myself that it'll soon be better. it's not a "gf-trying-to-change-the-bf" thing. i just saw the his need to grow more, and with our current situation, grow soon whether he likes it or not. tama talaga mga naririnig ko matagal na, babae ang nagdadala ng relasyon. sometimes he can't seem to get that. it's a fact. i didn't make it up just so i can be the dominant one. being right doesn't really matter to me. getting along does. i don't want to come to a point where we only try to jibe just for the sake of our daughter. i want US to work, ika nga.. yun tipong we'll get married someday because we want to not just so we can live together legit. i hope he opens up to me more. i need something to work on. you can't make something last out of thin air, you can't draw something w/o a concept, basta, so the song goes nga dba...

But I dont know how to leave you,
And Ill never let you fall;
And I dont know how you do it,
Making love out of nothing at all
(making love)
Out of nothing at all,
(making love)

haha d nman exactly ganyan hehe [pinatawa ako ng air supply]. yung logic lang.

hmmm nalulungkot lang talaga ko. i used be full of spirit ngayon kahit espiritu ng softdrinks wala.. sawa narin ako sa mga i used to's na yan... i need to live. it feels like being held captive of a buccaneer pirate. argh!

hoorah!

2007-10-19T14:56:00.000+08:00

yehey naisingit ko na sa wakas ang comments code. hehe tinanggal ko lang ung extrang "div" tag sa template at voila!! gumana na xa hehe doble kc ung endtags kia ganun so tinanggal ko.

hyun.badtrip ako this morning pa gawa ng bisayang ingrata! argh talaga.. napakababaw kasi, pag ibang tao nagluluto hindi sya kumakain. oh db bastos? gusto nia sya ang cook d2 or else mamangot sya talaga. i remember nung buhay pa si papa & ate cooked chicken sotanghon, di sya sumabay sa dinner. dati rin nagluto ako di xa sumabay. ilang beses na ngyari un kia proven na. this time naman 3 consecutive days ako nagluto ng lunch & dinner at nag-obserba ako, & true enough hindi sya kumain ng lunch, nagpabili sya ng ibang food k kuya. dinner naman sa baba sya kumain. haay ewan. this is the first & last time that i'll be blogging about her here. i ranted na sa multiply. i believe she's the most wasted of all wasted blog topics... so tatta...

i bought 2 kinds of diapers for uzuri, one expensive {huggies dry comfort} w/c is so nice but ahem, as i said, expensive! the other is EQ plus w/c is ideal for daytime use. pampers is also good, not becoz kris aquino endorses it but becoz it is tested already. it's less pricey than huggies dry comfort, pero the other huggies (the simple one) w/the adhesive is cheaper. i love the velcro-style tapes kc w/ huggies dry comfort, it doesn't scrape or cut baby's skin & it's not too constricted so comfortable si baby [so as the titke goes..huggies dry comfort] hehe.

it's difficult if you don't use diapers, the cost of detergent powder, plus water, plus the diaper CLOTH itself equals to diapers narin w/o the hassle of changing the baby every weewee time or poo time. nagigising pa ung baby, naiistorbo ang sleep. babies should have complete sleep. they get hungry almost every 2-3 hours so they wake up. when they don't, says the pedia, you have to wake her up or else she'll starve. but what about cutting her sleep? i guess every now & then i could wake her up to feed her. i seldom do it but it's just heart-wrenching at times and besides i don't want to keep her growth hormones from being released.

i admit, it's not advisable to use JUST disposable diapers when it comes to waste contribution & money down the drain. so in the day i alternate diaper cloth (lampin) w/ disposables. especially when we're in laguna.

i'm sleepy. who wouldn't be when you wake up every 3 hours at night and wake up as early as 5:30am..hehe i have a nanny for uzuri but i don't pass her on every hour of the day. it's a must to be a hands- on mom! :)

walang wala

2007-10-18T23:18:00.000+08:00

yey got another good one. new skin uhgen i mean. problem is i can't enable my comments. dapat nasa loob ng ang codes kaso archives ang andun, ayaw magwork kahit gmawa ulit ako ng tags w/ endtags na ganito= ().. nagkaron pa ng connection problems aaagh! haay sakit na ng ulo ko. i'll get back on this tomorrow. >.<

2007-10-02T20:28:00.001+08:00

when it gets cold it gets hard....answer?

french fries!!haha at marami pang
iba...green ka maxado..epekto ba yan ng
ulan??wahaha -donz

1. In three words, explain yesterday:
= ended at 11:59pm

2. What made you smile today?
= ECI called me for an interview while
riding in the fort bus..caught me off
guard hehe

3. What were u doing this morning at 8?
= ranting my ass off at multiply. kung
sansan nko nagbblog..pariwara akong
blogger.hehe

4. What were u doing 15 minutes ago?
= havin dinner

5. Something that happened to you in
1985?
= my birthday

6. Last thing someone said to you?
= "bakit?"

7. What was your answer?
= "kc iniisip ko kung aling shift
kukunin ko eh, kc kung 2pm, 1130pm na
uwi ko. pano ko uuwi nun? db?"

8. Worst thing currently on television:
=controversies and anomalies, sus
never-ending na politika.

9. What was in your e-mail today?
= jobstreet update

10. How many different beverages have
you drank today?
= 3- coffee, coke & water

11. What is your favorite part of this
day?
= when i got home to my baby hmmm :)

12. Your current To-do list?
= make a resignation letter, update my
resume, go to hsbc mkti, go to ECI mkti,
meet carlo for FS at mkti, scout for
beaches in batangas eventho it's raining
argh..

13. Where is your best friend right
now?
= i think on her way to work..naks
workforce na ang lola hehe!

14. What color is your toothbrush?
= glittery white & pink haha

15. What are you wearing right now?
= 24/7 yoga pants & an old college shirt.

16. Any plans for Friday night?
= just be with my penguin hmm bday na
nia sa oct6 yey! cancel my invit. at
club gov.

17. Least favorite place to shop.
= otto hehe

18. Things you bought today?
= pj's, shirt, shorty short shorts,
baby's socks, bottle brush, a bargain
jacket (coolness!)

19. Last gift you received?
= cross-stitch for my baby uzuri.

20. Who gave you that?
= tita sarah

21. What made you sad today?
= thought of having to leave my baby for
work. ;C

22. What can make you happy?
= my baby, penguin, my life..
i may not have evrything i want, but
having wat i hav ryt now makes me 4get
wat i lack. :)

23. Beauty is/has:
= always been the essence of life. it is
complex but you need not complicate it.
it is art. something that exists only
for the sake of it. (nakanam!! carried
away ako ah haha)

24. Describe your key chain:
= home sweet home at japanese girl na
naka-kimono at braids.

25. Where do you keep ur change?
= my 3 coin purses.

26. Are you happy with your life?
= Y-E-S!

27. What are you thinking now?
= about gilbert.

28. People you trust the most?
= penguin & mama & franz

29. What day is it today?
=tuesday

30. What are you going to do after
this?
=brush my teeth watch tv and go to
sleep.. then wake up at 12am to feed
baby, again at 2-3am to feed baby or
change baby's diaper....so on...

im a mom and a weirdo and a child. this
time they're no alter egos, they're just
diff modes of me. heeeeh.. ;)

nanny's here & other news

2007-10-01T17:54:00.000+08:00

at last dumating na ang yaya fresh from the visayas hehe. 2 days ang travel time grabe..so far she's ok..naging nanny na xa ng kapitbahay dati she left coz her father died.. niwei this means....... i can work na!!!!!!!!!!!!! yey...

work update:

ict called & asked me to report back to work.. since i have the option to resign instead of going back all the way to marikina i decided to resign.. i'll pass my resignation letter on wednesday night since that's the best time to have the needed signatures completed for my clearance. ewan if i will still receive a backpay, as far as i can remember nakuha ko nman last pay ko dun b4 i left. doesn't matter, what's important is i leave officially. then HSBC makati nko.. why not alabang? kc i need a site accessible from quezon city too. and ifever penguin and i decide to live on our own or leave the nest, we can reside in QC and i can transfer to the HSBC qc site in commonwealth. by that time a site is already erected..

atat na ko magtrabaho mga repadudes hehe..

gimik thing:

angel sent an invitation for Club Government's 3rd year anniversary in makati ave. thing is puro luscious lolas ang nandun, meaning puro mga judinggers and bakalerzz!! hehe ok lang saken of course kaso pano nman sa mga isasama ko sa guestlist dba..mga straight guys pa nman mga un hehe natawa nga ako nung inaya ko si don hehe parati pa nmn bebot at chikas ang hanap nun sakn hehe. oh well, marami pang gimik nyts dadating. that can wait! hehe another thing is there's tension between redh and angel.. naku, mga BI republic issues.. nevermind.

movie farts:

we watched "i now pronounce you, chuck and larry" last september 28/friday at sm the block w/ gari & rico. nakakatawa yung movie! money well spent ika nga.. :) at ang bod ni jessica biel...well... hands down..one of the most tight bods ive seen in the movie industry. she's definitely hotter now than when she was still in 7th heaven. gaganda ng bagong flats/etc sa so! fab talaga.. it will make you say " i need those.." hehe umiiral pagkamaterialistic ko dang... hehe oh well just because i enjoy nice shoes or things doesn't mean i'm shallow or materialistic.. i just enjoy what life has other things to offer. xmpre as long as hindi umiikot mundo ng isang tao sa materyal na bagay.. walang wala.. meron kasing ibang tao na may inggit na nag-ngingitngit sa loob nia. dko kasalanan kung ganyan ka chong. wag ka sakin magalit. mag-heels ka na lang hehe pupunahin mo pa ko eh.. haay

uzuri's christening:

oo nakakatampo talaga mga hindi nakapunta. i understand ung iba kase talga mahrap makahanap ng kapalit sa shift dahil nurses sila pero ung iba dko matancha tlg.. grabe.. nagbilang pa naman kme ng kaibigan ni gilbert at mas marami daw akong friends pero tingnan mo kung sino mga nakapunta? mostly friends nia..hay naku.. masama talaga loob ko..nagbawas nko ng godparents nun buti nalng. i even confirmed kung sino tlg mga pupunta at oo naman cla ng oo kht sabhn kong may headcount..1oo people un dapat buti marami naman nkapunta kaso un mga importante para sakin na makapunta konti lng nakadalo..it cudve also served as ta reunion for the other friends i have. samantalang si mike/ miss hell nagkasakit pero pumunta parin and take note, she came all the way from parañaque! yun ang willing pumunta dba? at hayun puro "sorry", "cenxa na", at kung ano ano pang annoying na dko-malaman-kung-sincere-bang-mga-apologies ang natatanggap ko sa phone ko. ewan. some don't understand the essence of the occasion. it's stupid for real friends to not know right? it sucks and it hurts. argh

farewell oddly shaped creatures

2007-09-28T12:15:00.001+08:00

there are many ways to let go of any friggin emotion.. you get to choose the outlet.

"i bought balloons of different colors, each representing a burden which i've been feeding negative thoughts of for eons.. manong asked away; "san mo gagamitin mga yan? sa bertdey parrti?" and i retorted; "oo manong, sa birtdey.." for a fresh start, i was thinking. there were still traces and stains of grime which are stubbornly eager to stay. but i wont let a single debris remain. in the middle of up, i let go of those balloons, i let the course of the wind decide which direction they go the important thing is they stray away from me and stay away from me.."

like how we choose happiness...

in every sense of it.. i did it.. :)

so goodbye balloons of all kinds..

wow-me galore

2007-09-20T20:36:00.000+08:00

http://www.japanesestreets.com

staticly ecstatic :)

2007-09-19T09:39:00.000+08:00

The Bottom Line

Your flirty side may not feel like coming out today, but others are flirting away!

In Detail

The flirty side of you may not feel like coming out in full force today, but that won't stop people from tossing some sweet talk your way! And by the middle of the day, when you're wondering what the heck has gotten in to people, you yourself might start to feel like giving a cute stranger a smile or starting some small talk with an interesting looking person. The positive attention that other people will be giving you will be just the ticket you needed to get a new attitude going.

haha so not like me..cguro if i'm not attached & not a mom yet it's possible.. sometimes flirting is a form of energy- booster or a cure for self-esteem issues and at times, it's just fun! hehe

-------------------------------------------------------

i'm really psyched about how things are going. so far everything's falling into places. i hope it stays that way for everybody's sake, especially uzuri. gilly is getting an A for his "becoming" course hehe

we're going back home tonight (yesh!) i miss my family and they miss sofie too, haha ako hindi!! oh well, they're excited to see the newly-baptized popie. i'm sure bea misses us too, i know i miss her, bayatot! ahehe i wet maita's pillow last night, i miss papa. it's just sad he wasn't able to make it physically. i'm sure he's responsible for making things go smoothly. we're gonna see you soon papa, sa mauseleum, i mean. i'm sure matutuwa silang lahat coz sofie's getting the hang of coo-ing so long, at ang mga expressions at response nia sa kumakausap sa kanya is just amazing. sabi ng pedia she's advanced nga. hehe i hope maaga xa magsalita. para macompensate din ang pagkawala ni papa. *sigh*

2007-09-17T12:15:00.000+08:00

My Lakbayan grade is D!
~ oh well, i'm still young, and about the money part? we'll do something about it! nyaha

My Lakbayan grade is D!

How much of the Philippines have you visited? Find out at Lakbayan!

Created by Eugene Villar.

hobag search

2007-09-13T14:42:00.000+08:00

what the f**k?? it's funny..hehehe i'm sure lots of paris hilton haters would love this one. :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

hmm.. here i go with the love talk..so my penguin and i were playing doodle at ym, and there were only 3 moves left. only, he can't see them so he declared a surrender right away..

dOnzxky: kaw na

dOnzxky: go may chance kpa to redeem urself

BUZZ!!!

mahal ko: talo nako bebe eh...

dOnzxky: hnd pa!!

dOnzxky: cge mghanap ka pa po.

dOnzxky: hnd pa masasaid yan after mo tumira

dOnzxky: bkt un?ako makakascore nian ..niwei...

dOnzxky: kaw na

dOnzxky:

dOnzxky: bored knb?

mahal ko: talo na kasi ako bebe eh

dOnzxky: hnd nga

mahal ko: pinaglalaruan mo nalang ako...

dOnzxky: i wont let u win pero dnt give up..

dOnzxky:

dOnzxky: parng relationshp ntn...i wont giv u all d answers pero dnt stop trying..

BUZZ!!!

mahal ko: wala na beb hindi ko maisap papano manalo

mahal ko: sakit na ng ulo ko sa kakaisip

mahal ko: sorry

mahal ko: masyado na ata akong bobo lately

mahal ko:

mahal ko: seriously

mahal ko: ....

dOnzxky: hindeeh ano kb..

dOnzxky: eto nlng..luk on the left syd..

mahal ko: kahit sa pagaayos ng poblma natin dko na maisip minsan

dOnzxky: luk on the left syd..

mahal ko: i know

mahal ko: pag tumira ako dun ganun din

mahal ko: parang tumitira ako para manalo ka

mahal ko: mukhang kakain na kami

mahal ko: hmmm

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

much like our relationship.. *sigh* never, ever give up!

i love you, you know..

kiddiyap=zodiac

2007-09-12T23:23:00.000+08:00

*You have been dealing with a lot of issues in and around your home so effectively that today it looks like things are totally under control and capable of doing just fine without you. So it's time to shift your focus away from family and toward a partnership in another context of your life. It could be a coworker, a friend, or a romantic interest, but someone else needs your attention today. So keep your eyes and ears open. They'll let you know when they want to talk.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

naks that's what yoo call "bull's eye!" nyehe

well then, i'm all ears.. ;) XOXO

Zirquera's quest

UpLates

Is what it is.. ;)

Illuminati

can't you even spell stoopid correctly?

torn between two offers continued.

It's been a while man!

yes girl

YES and NO

yay!

looking back

Troubled tramp needs some booze

pokpok! man-whore

iron and wine {post-post} for 11-28-08

kumembyular! hahahhahaahahha

All's well that ends well day

unico labyrinto

replication of one's self.. part 1

tonight is neigh. whatever.

new everything

In between jobs

Free tickets!!

sabbatical? On my wishlist: another balloon episode

w.a.n.t.e.d

FRYday

no fine line...

♥ a day in a life of a waitress... {coz i wait. that's wut i do.}

work.

That knight..

ding ding ding ding

no more imbyerna blues..

BIG RED BARN

gossip farts & imbyerna blues

the ship is sinking

Recap

for the love of *&~*^%#!

power at its best- and at its worst

good day dolly

busy bee

i hate you.but i love you.

wake up sleepyhead

new her

this little birdie..went weetwiw

can't say i gave up.

sunday-funday

in lieu of ze summer heat

makati girl

wholly week

interesting indeed :)

influxxe

electric.not!

♥ family day ♥

at long last naman...

hahaha whatever

if there's someone i hate it would be..

yay!

happy tuhgethere...

meet my didugpi!!

asawa

i hate that i love you...no more.

debug

i'm not a bum, i'm a mom.

zealot

jobberwocky & atchie's-capade

quiapo

Metaphors & secrets...

away- away

crashing.

doing the 180.

and so it goes

da dadah duhn da duhn..

yea, yea.. merry christmas.. wtf?

new era

promot.

oh the madness

carpooling thoughts

ayan na naman ha. cge.. bottoms up..

yey! whoo- ray!

alone on a wednesday

haay

for the love of &~^%#!